I am the face of Infertility.
This is my story of HOPE.
Putting a face on miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss
I am the face of Infertility.
This is my story of HOPE.
Mom to Naya Jane
July 24, 2011 – September 14, 2011
Naya was born on July 24. She was a beautiful 7lb, seemingly healthy baby. My husband and I fell in love immediately. The only thing that was a little off was the fact that she had some feeding problems in the hospital and didn’t poop the first couple days. They told us not to worry about it and released us on the 25. We went home and started to get used to our new life. Unfortunately, Naya was still not eating or pooping. We took her to the pediatrician on July 26 and she gave her something to make her poop and told us to follow up with a lactation consultant about the eating. I told her it didn’t seem to be a breast feeding specific issue – Naya wasn’t interested in food at all – but we made the appointment anyway. We saw the lactation consultant on July 27 and she also found it odd that Naya had no interest in eating and encouraged us to go back to the pediatrician the next day. I should mention that during this time, we were forcing her to eat and she was spitting most of it up and still not pooping or peeing. We went back to the pediatrician on the 28th and they told us to increase feedings to every two hours, which we did to no avail. After she threw up every feeding that night, I had enough and we took her to the ER. [Read more...]
Mom to baby lost November 20, 2011
Spring Hill, Florida
My story starts like most do. My husband and I had been “trying” to get pregnant for 4 years. Around August we decided to track my cycle for a few months and see what happens. Early October (our wedding anniversary month) we decided to give it a good try. I tracked when I should ovulate, and according to that we tried. It was a successful month…on October 22nd I took an early pregnancy test. I looked at the test, disappointed by what I saw, placed it down on the counter and walked away. A few minutes later something told me to go back in and check it out…sure enough there was that amazing 2nd line, very faint but it was there. I immediately showed my hubby, and while we were nervous we decided that this was our time. The next morning I had to be to work early so I ran by good ol’ Walmart and grabbed 2 more boxes of tests. During the next few days I continued to test, and the line became darker. I tested fairly early, so it took about 4 days to get that really beautiful dark 2nd line.
Mom to Angel Eternity Stewart
Stillborn on August 11, 2011
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
My name is I have hesitated in writing about Angel’s story for a long time now. Not because it isn’t important. In fact, it was probably the most important time of my life to date, and has forever changed me. There are so many things I’d like to be able to articulate about meeting Angel, however I am not sure I can fully describe the feelings in a way that can be understood. The only way to understand this journey is to walk it in your own shoes – and this I do not wish on any other person.
Miscarried at 9 weeks 2 days
on December 23, 2010
My husband and I married right out of college but gave ourselves a good 3 years to get our feet on the ground and enjoy being a couple. In January of 2009, after years of fighting recurrent ovarian cysts, mood swings and just feeling plain ole crazy, I decided to go off the pill. We threw caution to the wind and left it to fate. We never focused on getting pregnant, but deep down hoped it would happen. There were months when I would see a faint line that would disappear days later. (I now know I was having chemical pregnancies.)
Mom to Faith Elizabeth
August 14, 2009 – August 17, 2009
St. Peters, MO
Just after New Year’s, 2009, my husband and I learned we were expecting our first baby. A bit surprised by just how quickly I’d gotten pregnant, I quickly became the pregnant person that everyone envied – never sick a day of the pregnancy. Other than exhausted during my first trimester, I enjoyed being pregnant and so along we went. We painted a nursery and with the help of my dearest friend in the world, Sarah, began planning a baby shower. The 20-week ultrasound came and we had decided not to find out if the baby was a boy or a girl. The doctor did tell us that they found something on the scan that was abnormal. Called a choroid plexus cyst, they occur in about 1% of pregnancies – of those, 99% turn out to be nothing and occur in otherwise normal pregnancies. When that little blip came up, the doctor recommended that we do the bloodwork we’d previously not done because, according to the doctor, we were as low risk as could be and those first trimester screenings are notorious for false positives. Okay, bloodwork done – and all came back normal as could be. No increased risk of anything. At a level 2 ultrasound, the doctor declared, “Everything looks good. You have a greater risk of a complication from an amnio than you do that there is something wrong with this baby.” Whew – sigh of relief breathed. “We’re going to watch you on ultrasound – just in case.”
Mom to Caden Ryann (April 11, 2011 @ 11w2d)
Brady Thomas (August 9, 2011 @ 10w3d)
My name is Christina and I have been married to my husband, Ty, for 4 years. Shortly after we were married we conceived our first son, Hayden, who is now 3 years old. Eight months later we conceived our second son, Connor, who is now 2 years old. Both of my pregnancies were uneventful and aside from Connor being born at 35 weeks I had no complications. [Read more...]
Mom to Lily Sarah Ellen
Lost on August 31, 2011
Mountain View, CA
“There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
My daughter Lily went from living in my womb to residing forever in my heart on August 31, 2011. I was 14 weeks and 4 days pregnant. At the time I am writing these words, it has been nearly three months since I lost my baby girl, just about the length of time I carried her in my body. Many of these lines were lifted straight from the journal I started while I was hospitalized following her death. If it seems disjointed, it’s because it was written over a period of many days, during many different moods. It has been a difficult process, putting them to type, but one done in loving memory of the baby who will always be, to me, my first child. Not a “miscarried fetus” or a “hope of a baby that never was,” but my first child: a true, unique and beloved individual. My story is a tribute to her memory, and is written in the hope that it may bring both comfort to other mothers who have lost their precious unborn babies, and awareness to those who, having never experienced such a tragedy themselves, are struggling to understand the experience. [Read more...]
Mom to Madeleine Grace
September 29th, 2011
The ectopic pregnancy was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but I am trying to take something positive from the experience. Every day it is a struggle. I get out of the shower and run my hands over my stomach, remembering how it felt to know that my little one was there.
Mom to Juliet Elizabeth
August 30, 2010 – May 2, 2011
Grover Beach, CA
After my husband and I got married, we decided to leave the baby-making up to fate and see what would happened. We were pleasantly surprised when, six months later, we found out we were expecting.
The beginning of my pregnancy went great. It wasn’t until about 15 weeks that I started spotting. I went in for an ultrasound to make sure everything was okay and the doctors couldn’t find the source of the bleeding, saying as long as the blood was “old” I would be fine. I then started bleeding heavily and bright red. I was put on bed rest at 18 weeks. We were still unable to locate where the blood was coming from. Things on bed rest continued to worsen. I was waking up to large gushes of blood and passing blood clots. [Read more...]
Mom to twins, a boy and a girl, lost at 18 weeks on March 30, 2006
Mila Louise, stillborn at 41 weeks on July 1, 2011
In 2004, when I was 27, my husband and I began trying to conceive. After months of not having any sign of a menstrual cycle, we were referred to a reproductive endocrinologist. After many more months of brutally high doses of fertility drugs we finally got pregnant through intrauterine insemination. We were thrilled, however terrified at the same time because over stimulation of my ovaries caused me to become pregnant with quadruplets. At the suggestion of our perinatal doctor, we reduced the pregnancy to twins at 12 weeks. At 14 weeks and then again at 16 weeks my water broke. It was a gushing of fluid, but I thought I had incontinence and never considered that it could be amniotic fluid. On March 27, 2006, at 18 weeks, we went in for our level II ultrasound and found that neither baby had any amniotic fluid. Our baby boy did not have a heartbeat and our baby girl was alive but struggling with no amniotic fluid remaining. I had a D&E and began the journey to become parents once again. I was devastated, angry, and afraid, but we would not stop until we had our baby. [Read more...]
Mom to her little one
D&C November 9th, 2011
Montclair, New Jersey
Our rollercoaster ride began almost immediately after our wedding in late June 2011. That August, after having not gotten my period since two days after our wedding, I began to see medical professionals to find out why 1. I had not gotten my period and 2. I was feeling so tired, nauseous, and dizzy. I took lots of pregnancy tests and they all came out negative. In mid-September the symptoms had vanished and I got an ultrasound done that confirmed I had a cyst on my ovary and we were told it was unlikely I would be able to ovulate with it there. We were also told to wait a few weeks more and if I didn’t get a period that they would start me on a medication to induce my period to start. I began feeling all those symptoms again and took yet another pregnancy test just to check and it came out positive! We were ecstatic! It wasn’t in our plan but after all of this uncertainty it was a welcome, happy outcome.
Mom to Hannah Marie
Stillborn at 23 weeks on November 5, 2011
Maple Grove, MN
On the morning of November 3, 2011, I had a routine midwife appointment. I’d been writing down a myriad of questions since my last appointment and my midwife, Kathrine, patiently and thoroughly answered everything for me. At the end of the appointment, she had me hop up on the exam table to check for baby’s heartbeat. She tried for a while with the doppler but couldn’t find anything. Neither she nor I thought much about that because we knew from my 20-week ultrasound that my placenta was anterior (on the front wall of my uterus), so it provided a nice buffer and we’d only ever heard the heartbeat with the doppler once at 11 weeks. So she rolled in an old ultrasound machine that the clinic had donated to them and tried to find it with that was but was again unsuccessful. It’s a really grainy machine and she couldn’t even get a good picture of the heart, much less a good enough picture to see if it was beating. She decided that I should get in for an ultrasound that afternoon at a different clinic, and she called and set that up for me.
Mum to Gabriele 09/10/2011
Mum to Vincenzo & Benedetto (submitted separately)
mum to Vincenzo & Benedetto
For me this story, it is a little ironic to know that I write about my sons in a non-tangible place the internet, where their story will forever be ‘in the cloud’ – like my boys. So I will start slowly…..this is the story of Vincenzo and Benedetto, our sons. It might well start with Once Upon a Time if you like…….I met my husband and from the moment I saw him I knew I would always love him. This feeling hasn’t changed in the nine years we have been together. We wanted to wait until after marriage to have children and in 2009 we got married. Last year we decided that we were ready and so in May 2010 I tentatively came off the pill and, well you can guess the rest. In August 2010 I used three pregnancy testers plus one of those really expensive digital ones to tell me that I was 1-2 weeks pregnant. Just like that-wow! Hello Little Sprout. [Read more...]
Mom to Gemma O’neilCunningham
October 21st 2010
San Diego, CA
After our first daughter was born, my husband and I were told we had passed along genetic birth defects. The chance of passing along similar birth defects was a 25% chance. We went into our second pregnancy knowing the chances but not having a full scope of what those genetic defects could be; even the Geneticist was shocked by the outcome. [Read more...]
Mom to Zeke
November 18, 2001 – January 30, 2002
Sometimes life isn’t easy. I was nineteen when I found out my son had birth defects and might die. Doctors and nurses urged us to end the pregnancy, but I couldn’t do that to my son. [Read more...]
Mom of Elijah Jack Schwartz
June 26, 2011 – June 29, 2011
Mom to Avery Jace
Born still September 5, 2006
Traverse City, Michigan
My name is Adrienne, my husband’s name is Justin. We lost our first born to stillbirth of unknown reasons on September 5, 2006. I had no prior losses and my pregnancy was easy. At my 32 week appointment I measured 35 weeks, an ultrasound was scheduled for my 34 week appointment to see if I was having a big boy. Two days before my appointment, Avery Jace was stillborn. [Read more...]