Alicia

Mom to “Bo”

October 4th, 2011

Illinois

We found out on August 31st via a blood test that we were pregnant. We went back to the doctor on September 12 for the first official sonogram and they were going to try and hear the heartbeat.  The doctor heard the heartbeat, all my husband and I heard was white noise, but we could see the little peaks on the monitor when they measured it.  We did see the heart flickering and nothing could make us happier. We left that appointment knowing there was a flicker and that we were 6 weeks along.  The date we were looking forward to the most was May 8, 2012, our little one’s due date.  I was feeling pregnant: nauseous, tired, smelling everything, and overjoyed to be pregnant.  I had scheduled an appointment with my OB for October 7, but got a call on September 30th that they needed to move it up due to scheduling conflicts…no big deal, I just adjusted my work schedule and was now going in to hear the heartbeat and see a picture of our growing baby.  

My husband decided that hearing the heartbeat for the first time was something that wasn’t worth missing, so he left work early to go to the appointment with me.  The ultrasound appointment was first, so we went into the room and the nurse tried getting a heartbeat on the doppler, but with a tilted uterus, she had to do an internal sonogram.  On October 4th at 10:03am, she said, “I’m sorry guys, I’m not finding a heartbeat.”  She asked how far along I was (9 wks) and then said that the baby was only measuring 8 weeks.  That day forever changed our lives.  

As a joke, my husband decided when we found out we were pregnant, if anyone asked what we were naming the baby, we should say “Bo.”  We are now the parents of a little angel named “Bo” and he/she will forever be in our hearts until we get to hold him/her in our arms.  After our miscarriage, some friends of ours, that suffered a miscarriage in the spring of 2011, brought us a Willow Tree angel holding a little child.  The figurine now stands on a shelf in our home as a memorial to our little one.  I now wear an angel wing necklace with two beads attached, one of opal color (October birthstone) for when we lost our little “Bo” and one of emerald color (May birthstone) for when we were expecting to meet our little “Bo.”  ”I will never forget you.  I have carved you in the palm of my hand.”  Isaiah 49:15

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Comments

  1. Tia says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have never had a miscarriage so I don’t know the pain you are going through. Many of my friends have endured this painful loss, some early and some a little later on. Ive have seen them suffer and never really truly understood until the loss of my baby boy Brody. I was 30 weeks along when I delivered him stillborn. Now every loss touches my heart and you are in my thoughts. For some reason your story just hit home because it reminded me of all of my friends who went through a miscarriage as well. Once again, I am so very sorry for your loss. I do know that baby Bo is in heaven now and I know that is the thought that makes my heart ache a little less. (if only a little).

    • Amy says:

      I lost my first baby due to an ectopic pregnancy. We had tried for 6 years, and finally became pregnant after fertility treatments, only to lose the baby soon after we found out we were pregnant. About four months later I got pregnant again with our son. After he was born I wanted to do something to remember our first baby. I have Isaiah 49:15-16 tattooed on my wrist. I can look down and always be reminded of our first baby. I am so sorry for your loss. I know how difficult it is, and there are no words to comfort you right now. You are in my prayers.

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