Tia

Mom to Brody Michael

Born Sleeping on August 21st, 2011

Ford City, Pennsylvania

Brody’s Story

Brody Michael Lukehart was a well planned baby. His father and I had some trouble trying to conceive but then magically two months after we got married, our miracle came. I had stopped wanting to take pregnancy tests because time after time, I was just let down. I could hardly believe it. Instantly, I turned into a mother. I became the healthiest I have ever been. I thought twice about everything I ate, drank, and did. I knew I wanted to stay at home so my life drastically changed. I researched everything I could about breastfeeding and became very proud of the fact that I could nourish my child with God given nutrients. I had his room planned out in my head. Frogs would be the theme. I had consumed myself with planning for Brody’s arrival all while having a strong intuition that I would never actually bring him home. I don’t know if it was a mother’s intuition, my own personal feelings of pessimism, or just God’s way of preparing me for the worst pain I would ever feel in my entire life.

My pregnancy was “perfect” as quoted by my Doctor. I measured perfectly, I was carrying perfectly, and I never felt miserable. I had some morning sickness but sometimes smiled after I threw up my breakfast, just knowing there was a life inside me. I felt beautiful. Brody made me feel like I was the best mother in the world.

My husband’s mother passed away when he was just 10 months old. She was only 29 and had bone cancer. We always have felt her near us, looking down upon us and occasionally caught her smiling at us in pictures we took. We were convinced Brody would arrive on her birthday which was November 3rd. His due date was October 29th. I had no idea his birthday would be much earlier and far less of the happy experience that we had intended.

On the morning of August 21, 2011, I woke up with back pain. I have always had lower back pain, even before I was pregnant so my initial thought was I just slept wrong. My husband ran me a bath and when I had gotten in, I started having contractions. A called a girlfriend of mine who is a nurse and she told me to get to the hospital. We went to the closest hospital and in my head I was thinking I was going to have Brody early at 30 weeks. I was okay with that.

The nurses searched frantically for his heart rate. I knew it wasn’t there. They took me to ultrasound and I will never forget the stoned faces I stared at while realizing my baby was no longer with us. My placenta abrupted and completely detached from my uterus. I never cried. I had an overwhelming feeling of peace come over me. They told me it was shock. I know it was God. He had been preparing me for that moment since I read “positive” on that test. My husband was a mess, to say the least. My first words to him were “He is with your mother; God knows what He is doing”. I still never shed a tear. I apologized to the nurses and Doctor for seeming to be insensitive. After that I don’t remember a lot. I started screaming in agony, begging someone to help me. I was driven by ambulance to Magee Women’s Hospital in Pittsburgh. I refused a helicopter ride. I started bleeding a lot on the way. At one point I remember feeling no pain and I thought “I am just gonna go to sleep now”. The Doctors didn’t let that happen. Everything went so fast but went so slow at the same time. I ended up in ICU. I needed blood transfusions and pain medication…Still no tears. I was fearing that I would have to have a C- Section, something I wanted to avoid with Brody so bad. I wanted to share the natural birthing experience with him. The Doctors told me I could deliver him naturally and I was happy and scared all at the same time. A little part of me thought that he would come out breathing.

I delivered Brody at 7:09 PM. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I look at his pictures and notice how purple he is, but at that moment, I never saw that. I saw a precious baby boy and I rocked him like I was putting him to sleep. It was a bitter sweet moment. I was holding an angel but I was also holding the lifeless body of my first child.

It would be easy to break down; it would be easy to just give up on myself and my life. That would be easy. I chose the hard way of dealing with it positively. I know that Brody wants his mom and dad to be the happy people who created him. That is what keeps us going single day. I was never mad at God, I was never mad in general. I did eventually cry, oh boy did I cry. I cry everyday. I cry when I realized I haven’t cried all day.  Brody was made through so much love and I want him to continue to look down on us and smile. I know he wants us to smile back. That is my advice to anyone who has to go through this nightmare. Smile back at your baby, he or she wants that. Share their story because they aren’t able to. Continue to live your life but open your eyes to miracles. Realize that every time the sun beats down on your face it is your baby. Every time the wind blows through your hair, it is your baby.

Brody was buried next to his Grandma. She is taking very good care of him in Heaven and his father and I look forward to the day when we can be with them both.

Tia blogs at Brody’s Frog Blog.

 Tia can be contacted at tiagiardino@yahoo.com

 

 

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Comments

  1. Michelle says:

    My son Brody Alexander was born asleep on September 16 th 2011. I have yet to post mine and his story as it is very hard to even talk about it. I thought i’d comment since we named our baby boys the same. I’m so sorry for your loss! It’s interesting you said you felt as if you would never bring him home. I felt that too, I had always said I felt as if I ever got pregnant with a boy, God would call him home. I have three girls at home and he was my 4th, a boy, finally. And now he is an Angel “Angel Brody”
    God has 2 Angel Brodys. My prayers to you and your family!

    • Tia says:

      Wow. I have tears in my eyes. When was your Brody’s due date? I am so very sorry for your loss as well. I wish no one ever had to go through this kind of pain. My heart is broken and will remain so until we meet again. I typed this story up fairly fast because a friend needed Brody’s story to read at a church to talk about awareness. It doesn’t go into a great deal of detail, however I got through it without shedding a tear. When I re read it to make sure it sounded okay, I couldn’t stop the tears. I am positive are Brody’s are together and never have to sin, never have to feel pain, and never have to shed tears. I always had a feeling I would have a little boy too and I always knew he would be special. I had no idea I would have an angel in heaven to look after me every single day. I guess we are blessed in that aspect, even though this pain is something I sometimes cannot even put into words.

      • Michelle says:

        My Brodys due date was Nov 4 th.. We were literallly due within the same few days. We never found out what happened and we never got an autopsy. Where did you get the name from?

        • Tia says:

          I didn’t get an autopsy either. They told me my placenta detached from my uterus but there really is no reason for it. My husband and I had bought a name book and I was going through the book reading names. I wanted Brady but my husband didn’t like it. When I came across Brody, he said he really liked it. I wasn’t sold on it right away but we started calling him Brody and it just seemed like it fit his little personality. How did you come up with it?

  2. Carolyne says:

    Many, many hugs to you Tia. And to you Michelle. I wanted to let you know there is a third Brody with yours in heaven. Our little boy, Brody Maxwell, was born and died on 31 August 2011, 2 days past his due date. My uterus ruptured after 7 hours of labor. I hope I’ll have your strength Tia and be able to write more about him one day. My husband and I chose Brody because I’m Scottish and wanted a Scottish name (traditionally it’s spelled Brodie in Scotland) and he loved it because one of its meanings is ‘muddy’ and we always imagined him playing in the dirt around our farm; blissfully happy. I love to think that Brody would have the company of your little boys and be able to laugh and joke that they all have the same name… and play in the mud and smile.

    • Michelle says:

      Sorry for the loss of your Brody :( ! Wow three Brodys in a matter of a month. I actually found another Mom on here whose baby was born sleeping and she too named him Brodie with the ie . I looked up the meaning of Brody while I was pregnant and remember it meaning muddy, very fitting for boys! I have three daughters at home and my oldest two are from a previous relationship. Their father just had a son in June and his name is Maxwell, your son has both their brothers names. Intersting and I told them about Tias Brody and your Brody! Thanks for sharing, I find comfort in these stories and the comments back from moms who have endured the worst pain no mother should ever feel! Hugs to you both :)

    • Tia says:

      Awe. I am sure they are in heaven together. I have decided to start a blog for Brody. If you are interested in reading it it is http://Brodysfrogblog.blogspot.com. Much love to both of you and our Brody’s :) The three of them will never be forgotten.

  3. Michelle says:

    My husband didn’t like Brody, but I loved it. We still weren’t sure about his name. However once we had to endure this heartache my husband told me whatever I wanted. I actually got the name from the reality star Brody Jenner. I always loved the name and although I didn’t name him after Brody Jenner, I felt like it was a strong name. I never really heard of anyone with the name. Now though I feel like every time I turn around there’s a little boy named Brody. There’s one in my daughters school. I heard a man talking to his baby today and his name was Brody. I can’t believe how popular its becoming. It makes me sad to hear people call out that name. Wish I had my Brody :( .

    • Tia says:

      I have only heard it once before and from you. I was watching E News one night and heard them talking about Brody Jenner, and started crying. It was the first time I heard the name out loud since Brody passed. I wish I had my Brody too…everyday. :’(

  4. Nisha says:

    Tia you must have strong faith, like myself because your story and how your dealing is so similar to mine. I have yet to write about my story on here because I just discovered this site today. I lost my baby angel Dzynne due to placenta abruption on August 22, 2011. We both had to have been in the hospital at the same time, since you lost Brody a day before. My situation was so bad that I had to have a c-section hysterectomy. I am only 33 years old and now I can never bear children again. I notice that we all have our baby angel’s due date coming up and I know it’s going to be rough. I’ve made plans for me and my partner to spend the night in a hotel after church, brunch, and spa treatments. I believe that our baby angel would want her parents to live their lives. I know she knows we think of her so much. I miss her being inside my belly. I get sad when I think that I will never know what it feels like to be pregnant after 28 weeks.

    • Tia says:

      Nisha, God bless you. My eyes are filled with tears for you. I send you my prayers and thoughts. I haven’t met or talked to a lot of people that have been through a placental abruption let alone a class 3 such as we had. You can email me if you want and we could talk. I would love that <3 I would love to hear more about your angel Dzynne.

  5. Ruth says:

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. I too have lost. Corbin was three months old, he spend 81 days in the hospital and underwent three heart surgeries before his heart stopped. I am in tears with you.

    I wanted to comment because I also had this small feeling I would never bring him home. While we were staying in the Ronald McDonald house, a couple came and after a short while, lost their son. I remember looking at them, the day they lost him, and I heard a voice/thought in my head say “That will be you”. I ignored that voice. I didn’t want to accept the fact that my son would die. I feel like God was preparing me as well. I knew he was going to pass so it wasn’t such a shock, but it still hurts. It hurts every single day.

    Prayers and love to you.

    • Tia says:

      Ruth. I had a similar situation. My neighbor has a boat and took her daughter and grand daughter out for a ride. She said “Just think Tia, next year at this time, you and Brody will be going out on the boat”. In my head, I heard this frightening voice say ” No you wont”. I always knew Brody would be special, I didnt know he would become my guardian angel. My heart goes out to you and Corbin. God bless you. Your right it hurts every day, some days more than others. Prayers and love to you as well.

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