Charlene

Mom to Saddie Marie – Lost May 9th, 2007

Jeremy Thomas -  Lost March 11th, 2009

and Bella Raine – Lost May 13th, 2011

Norwich, Connecticut

I am 25 and have had three early miscarriages. I am also the mother to a beautiful, healthy three year old boy. My first miscarriage was the most devastating event to ever occur in my life.

I found out on May 7th, 2007 that I was pregnant, I had never been so elated, and so scared! Two days later at work I started to cramp and bleed. I left work early and went home to rest and hope things would be fine, later my boyfriend brought me to the E.R. where we learned I lost our baby. I’ve never felt so much guilt, or shame. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror and I especially couldn’t look at my boyfriend. We broke up two weeks later.

The next three or four months were a total burr. I’m not sure how I survived but I did. I finally agreed to see my ex, and we decided we both wanted to have a child and spend the rest of our lives together. Six weeks later we were four weeks pregnant. It was the longest and scariest 9/10 months of my life. I now have my miracle baby.

Since my son we have been trying to add another addition to our family. In March 2009 my period was late and I knew. Three days later the cramps and bleeding started. I lost another baby, and again I could not handle my loss (which I kept a secret for over a year) and a one year old. I again was lost in my own head, and had a very hard time functioning.

Over the next year I just went through the motions. Pretending to live. I finally started to pull out of my funk when in May of this year I again was late, and had three positive pregnancy tests (one at home, one at the doctors office, and blood work) Only to start cramping and bleeding again a few days later. I lost my third baby May 13th.

If not for my support group and websites such as facesofloss.com, I don’t know how I would have made it through. I’m still currently going through testing to see if there is a cause, and for once I’m pretty hopeful. Speaking out, and talking with others has been my saving grace! I know one day I will have my angels in my arms, and until then I will honor them by spreading awareness, telling my story, and supporting other moms in their hour of need!

Charlene can be contacted at Cataclysmicchazzi@yahoo.com

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Comments

  1. Sharon says:

    Yes, I agree, there is not much positive we can do with our losses except be there for others so they don’t feel alone. My support group also helped me a great deal. I also went for a few sessions of therapy but I don’t think it helped as much as having others there to validate how you feel and tell you that you are normal. I also have had several chemical pregnancies, they play nasty tricks on your body and your mind. You think maybe I will actually have a baby in 8 months but then its not to be. Its frustrating. I am 40. You are young, I hope you are able to have a successful pregnancy in the future.

  2. Stephanie says:

    I’m 26 and have gone through 3 losses myself; it is a devastating experience. The search for answers is scary, but getting answers was so important to me too. We went through every testing available to us, and I’m so glad we did. I still miss my babies too. Many (*hugs*) to you as you go through this, and know that you are not alone.

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