Mom to Saddie Marie – Lost May 9th, 2007
Jeremy Thomas – Lost March 11th, 2009
and Bella Raine – Lost May 13th, 2011
I am 25 and have had three early miscarriages. I am also the mother to a beautiful, healthy three year old boy. My first miscarriage was the most devastating event to ever occur in my life.
I found out on May 7th, 2007 that I was pregnant, I had never been so elated, and so scared! Two days later at work I started to cramp and bleed. I left work early and went home to rest and hope things would be fine, later my boyfriend brought me to the E.R. where we learned I lost our baby. I’ve never felt so much guilt, or shame. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror and I especially couldn’t look at my boyfriend. We broke up two weeks later.
The next three or four months were a total burr. I’m not sure how I survived but I did. I finally agreed to see my ex, and we decided we both wanted to have a child and spend the rest of our lives together. Six weeks later we were four weeks pregnant. It was the longest and scariest 9/10 months of my life. I now have my miracle baby.
Since my son we have been trying to add another addition to our family. In March 2009 my period was late and I knew. Three days later the cramps and bleeding started. I lost another baby, and again I could not handle my loss (which I kept a secret for over a year) and a one year old. I again was lost in my own head, and had a very hard time functioning.
Over the next year I just went through the motions. Pretending to live. I finally started to pull out of my funk when in May of this year I again was late, and had three positive pregnancy tests (one at home, one at the doctors office, and blood work) Only to start cramping and bleeding again a few days later. I lost my third baby May 13th.
If not for my support group and websites such as facesofloss.com, I don’t know how I would have made it through. I’m still currently going through testing to see if there is a cause, and for once I’m pretty hopeful. Speaking out, and talking with others has been my saving grace! I know one day I will have my angels in my arms, and until then I will honor them by spreading awareness, telling my story, and supporting other moms in their hour of need!
Charlene can be contacted at Cataclysmicchazzi@yahoo.com