Loss #1 at 9 weeks – July 2008
Loss #2 at 5 weeks – September 2008
Loss #3 at 4 weeks – July 2011
Loss #4 at almost 4 weeks – September 2011
Loss #1: (First Trimester Loss)
In July 2008 I found out we were pregnant with our 2nd child. It was a surprise but we were excited nonetheless. That excitement quickly ended after only a couple weeks when I started bleeding. I called my husband who was at work..I was crying so hard I’m surprised even understood me. I called my doctor and explained that I was bleeding and worried. She told me if it was brown or light pinkish blood it was most likely old blood and I was fine. However, if it is red blood that means it is fresh and could mean a miscarriage. Mine was bright red. I freaked out and we headed straight for the ER.
I had an exam which showed that my cervix was still closed. I was assured that was a good thing and that I may just have a scratch or something. I was relieved for a while. The next step was a blood test. As I was sitting there waiting for the results of my blood test the bleeding got heavier. I went to the bathroom and started passing small clots. I went back to the room to wait on my test results. Finally, they were in! My hcg levels were equivelant to that of a 7 week pregnancy. Only one problem. I was a little over 9 weeks. The doctors shrugged and said I could have my dates wrong and what matters is if the levels are going up and down. I was going to have another blood test in 3 days. I said my bleeding had increased so they wanted to get me an ultrasound but there was a problem with that too. They only had 1 ultrasound tech working that day and she couldn’t squeeze me in. It was Friday and the next available ultrasound slot was for Monday. I was diagnosed with a “threatened miscarriage” and put on bedrest over the weekend. What a long weekend! My bleeding kept getting heavier and I was passing large clots and eventually passed a small piece of fetal tissue. I kept telling myself it wasn’t the baby, it just had to be something else so I clung to hope anxiously awaiting my ultrasound.
Monday slowly came around and it was time for my ultrasound. I knew something was wrong when the ultrasound tech wouldn’t talk to me or look at me, she kept the screen turned so I couldn’t see anything and when I asked if everything was ok told me she was not allowed to say. I still clung to hope, telling myself she was just doing her job. I met with an ER doctor after that and was given the news that I had already fully miscarried. My uterus was empty. I immediately started crying. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be happening to me. This kind of stuff doesn’t really happen, I thought. I will never forget that ER doctor. Considering the circumstances he was great. Any doctor who can make someone who experienced a loss (of any kind) laugh deserves Dr. Of the Year award to me. He kept making little jokes like pretending to handover his prescription pad while asking if I wanted it. He let me sit there and cry until I was ready to leave. I knew on the other side of the door was a room full of people and I really didn’t want to go out there crying like a maniac. I went home and just collapsed on my bed, everything spinning, everything numb. I layed there for I don’t know how long crying. Probably days. It was the worst experience of my life.
Loss #2: (Chemical Pregnancy)
My husband and I wanted to try again right away and got pregnant about 4.5 weeks later. I was thrilled that it happened so quickly and knew this time would be different..I mean, what are the odds? My joy was short lived though. About a week after the great news I started spotting bright red blood. I headed to the ER and had a blood test done. My hcg levels came back at 6. Just barely pregnant. The doctor didn’t even have to tell me..I already knew. This was my first chemical pregnancy.
Losses #3 & #4
A few months ago (July 2011) we got another “surprise” pregnancy and were shocked but excited to welcome baby #3 however only 4 days after our positive pregnancy test it was all over. I had a feeling it another loss was coming because my pregnancy tests were not getting darker like they should have, in fact after a couple days they started getting lighter. I was not even 4 weeks pregnant yet when it happened. The loss made us realize it was time to add baby #3 so we started trying to conceive once again. In September 2011 we found out we were pregnant again, I had used extremely sensitive tests that gave me my positive test only 7 days after ovulation. I tested every day after that and while the tests started to get darker the first couple days they eventually started getting lighter. I had been through this before and knew what it meant but it still didn’t make it any easier. 6 days after my first positive test I started spotting and miscarried for the fourth time. I was almost 4 weeks.
It’s now October 2011 and we are still hoping for our happy ending.
Kristin can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org