Mom to Jack Michael Ryan

Stillborn August 15th, 2011

Edmonton, Alberta


I was 20 years old and on top of the world.  A year prior I had met Jon. He was 5 years older than me had a 13 month old daughter. They had both become my entire world. The reason I wanted to wake up every morning. His daughter lived in New Brunswick and us in Alberta. We hit it off right away, our parents being from the same small community in Newfoundland. I thought I was going to marry him. We moved in with each other 3.5 months after we started our relationship. He treated me like a princess. We began getting very serious, he bought a house and we moved in. That was June 2010.

October 2010 we decided we would try for a baby. After being on the pill since I was 15 we figured it would take a while. It didnt!! We became pregnant Dec 2010 and I knew right from the beginning. We took two positive pregnancy tests Jan 3rd 2011. Since I knew I was pregnant I didn’t drink on New Years or even Christmas. We were both so thrilled. He hoped for a boy and I a girl.

I had terrible morning sickness and heartburn through out the whole pregnancy. All my appointments were great, never had high blood pressure, lost weight ( I was over weight ) baby was growing perfectly. The day we had the ultrasound was Jon’s dad’s birthday. Jon got his boy! His name was after the 3 greatest men in our life. Jack after Jon’s grandad. Michael after my father and Ryan after my very close cousin who had battled cancer.

My parents were thrilled for us since day one. Every month we would go to my prenatal appointments. All we received was good news. Growing great, strong heart beat. No gestational diabetes. I planned to work until I was 36 weeks as we commuted 5 hours every other week to work and I hated being alone. Here is a time line of the events that unfolded during my last week of work.

August 9th- 9:15 pm, at work experienced shooting pains through out my entire upper body. very weak, turned white as a ghost, sweats, unable to breathe properly. Thought I was in labor. All this happened while I was working. A guest called down to the front desk and told me that someone had broken into a room on the first floor. Went outside to the front of the hotel as Amy was in the bar covering a smoke break and security was gone on lunch. Got a look at the guy with a laptop under his shirt. Got in the truck to go to the hospital couldn’t move very well. Got in to mat.ward was 2 cm dilated but no contractions. Took urine samples. Baby’s heart rate was good. Released an hour later with two antibiotics to hold me over until the morning when i got my prescription filled. Was told by nurse to take cranberry pills for the pain Went home and tried to sleep.

 August 10th- 11 am, went back to Dr.Namaruish’s office with an emergency appointment made. Prescribed me Tylenol with codeine for the pain. Turns out to be a bad UTI that spread to my kidneys. Never been in so much pain before. I got antibiotics and pain killers today. I feel a little more mobile tonight. Baby is great though. I was hooked up to the fetal monitor and he was moving around and had a strong heartbeat. UTI’s in my stage of pregnancy can cause preterm labor. cranberry juice and cranberry pills for the next 4 weeks! Didn’t go into work

August 11th- Went out with Lora and Joseph before work. Got into work and the girls threw me a baby shower. We played games and ate and opened gifts. Jack got spoiled. Pain was pretty tolerable. All the laughing hurt but it wasn’t as bad as the night previous.

August 12th- unknown events

August 13th- Last day of work before maternity leave was to start. Went for lunch with Amy to Mrs.B’s. Still in a lot of pain. Pain medication was making me very dizzy and nauseous. Hospital called to inform me that they had prescribed the wrong antibiotics. 4 days ago. They faxed the new prescription to shopper’s– Amy picked it up for me. Went back to the hospital for 5 hours, upon arrival I was very upset and threw up 3 times on the way up to maternity ward. Jon was on nights so I didn’t bother to call him. Every thing appeared to be okay. Strong heart beat, no contractions. Left hospital feeling a lot worse but there wasn’t anything the could do for me. went home and tried to sleep, couldn’t breathe very well laying down. In a lot of pain all night.

August 14- Called Jon home from work early to go back to the hospital. Got EKG’s done, ultrasounds, blood work. They ruled that it was my gallbladder that needed to be removed. Demoral was administered for the pain. Stayed in the hospital for most of the day

August 14th 7:05 pm Facebook comment on status. “I went in last night and they kept telling me everything is normal. Its normal to not be able to breathe, sit, lay or stand without all the discomfort. I kept telling them this isn’t a normal part of pregnancy. Sure enough I got sent for an ultrasound and its gallstones. I went in at 930 pm last night left at 2, went back at 7 am left at 4:30. If I get any more short of breath from the pain back I go. The nurse said earlier that the dr might just induce me and get the baby out. ” Get it over and done with”

 August 15th- back to the hospital for overnight, dr.phiri said to the nurse might as well keep her in shes just going to come back..Wouldnt let Jon stay with me. Had a hard time keeping the heart beat on the monitor. But when we did get it it was strong. Nurse wasnt overly concerned. kept monitoring all night. hooked up to iv. woke up 7 am felt nauseaus. had to walk to get a garbage can, threw up. felt dizzy sat on the bed. fainted fell over backwards iv ripped out of my wrist. cold sweats, fever and chills. couldn’t reach nurse call button, kept screaming as i floated in and out on conscience for help.the cold floor felt good on my over heating body. woke up screamed again for help. noticed a pool of my blood coming from my wrist. nurse came in along with 3 other nurses and a doctor. tried to get me back on the bed to get iv’s back in. took a while as I was being stubborn and thought I had to use the washroom. Got back on the bed tried for 10 mins to get an iv in my wrist and feet but my veins rolled. They kept putting me on oxygen mask over my nose and mouth but the level was too high and made the breathing worse so I kept moving it to the side to keep a little flow in my nose and mouth. the nurse kept putting it back on fully. I got angry with her and told her I couldnt breathe any better with the mask on. I remember telling the nurses to just let me go cause I was in so much pain. One nurse grabbed my face and ssaid ” your not going anywhere”. I remember a doctor coming over me saying I was having an emergency c section and for a number to contact Jon. They put the gas mask over me and I was out.

Jack was born into Heaven at 7:37 am weighing 6 lbs 3 oz measuring 19 inches long. When they cut me open my belly was full of blood. What they thought was a UTI that spread to my kidney to my gallbladder needing to be taken out all the way to ulcers was actually an aneurism on my spleen. If I wasn’t pregnant and in the hospital when it all happened I wouldn’t be telling this story. The surgeons told my family that if it weren’t for Jack’s foot putting pressure on my spleen I would of bled out. They told Jon that the baby didn’t make it and that I was also in “God’s Hands” I was unstable for 2 days before I was air lifted to a better hospital 5 hours away. All my family came in from Newfoundland and The NWT, Jon’s parents from New Brunswick.

It was August 18th before anyone told me about my son’s passing under strict doctors orders that any stress would literally kill me. I spent 9 days in the hospital released on my 21st Birthday. I was so relieved to be going home after having a major surgery which included 56 staples. But I was so empty inside and out, I didnt think I’d be leaving any hospital with out a baby in my arms. All the support from family, friends and friends of friends/family. I had so many flowers and cards filling my crowded hospital room.

Jon and I needed some alone time so his parents went to another family members house. We had a nice evening together along with a very uncomfortable nights sleep. The next morning we got into a huge fight and we broke up. I had to leave his house after everything we just went through, we lost each other. I lost our home, my son and step daughter. My life went from being on top of the world to loosing it all. I now realize that we are better off going our separate ways. I will never forget my beautiful baby boy’s face and full head of strawberry blonde hair.




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  1. Hi there,
    I am so sorryfor your loss. That sounds absolutely horrible. I’m not very good at this, and ive never commented on one before. It looks like you had a gaurdian angel before you evern knew it, seeing as how he basically saved your life. I had a daughter, she passed away at 10 and a half months old. Over time it gets easier. But it will never go away, me and her father broke up as well. The saying always goes, a childs death can either Make you, or tear you apart, with him it ended, but other relationships will get stronger, mine did with my family.

  2. Hi…all I can say is that the worst nightmare and pain for me as a woman is losing my child…after I loss my son it feels like my relationship with my husband was already ending…he didn’t respected my son that few months after losing him,my husband started cheating on me again… We were married,we’ve got other son together…I didn’t had my husband’s support after losing my baby and went through the grieving process on my own…But you know what,I did survived and became more stronger…my other son needed me, and my Tovin,my angel, still makes me feel that he is just around and watching over us…I almost got into an accident recently,but for some miraculous reason my hand fell of my steering wheel that I avoided to be hit by an on coming ten wheeler truck going 110km/hour….you still got your purpose, your mission here,that’s why your angel will always be watching over you…You will find happiness again and can move on… Your baby will always be part of you, your ex will just be a memory that belongs to the past….I’m from airdrie Alberta and if you want to connect just let me know…God bless you and prayers for your angel…

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