Mother of Carter James Willits
September 15th, 2010
Spring Hill, Tennessee
In March of 2010, we found out we were pregnant with our second child. We were more than excited. Our little girl Isabella was very excited to have a sibling. Everything was going great, just as “normal” as it could possibly be. Later, we would find out on the 20 week check-up we were having a BOY! We soon named him Carter James. It was then we began buying all kinds of clothes, bedding, and all the things that go along with a baby. We could absolutely not wait until his arrival. But to our dismay came way too soon…
It all began on August 19, 2010. I woke up around 5am leaking water. It soon became a total break in my water. I was rush to the hospital, where I was encouraged to stay in the hospital on bed rest. So of course, that is exactly what I did. I was there a month. Tests, blood work, and ultrasounds everyday all normal and perfectly fine. The day he decided to come, September 15, 2010, nothing was stopping him. I had normal labor for 6 and 1/2 hours. We were so excited because all the doctors said he was going to be so healthy and just fine. That it would be no time until I could take him home from the NICU.
As soon as he came out, he was beautiful and pink! ….but not crying. I thought to myself this is normal for an early baby. But it wasn’t. As soon as they cut the cord he began to turn blue. No one knew what was going on, but only that he was going to die. I held him while they helped him breathe, then they took him away and his heart stopped beating…..and so did mine. Words cannot ever begin to describe the utter pain and despair I experienced that day. My only little boy had gone to Heaven. In God’s arms he left me.
They reviewed all my tests and ultrasounds and still could not detect the problem. The next day I left the hospital carrying only my papers showing the death of my baby.
I would then go to the funeral home and make the arrangements. And three days after that, bury him. It just seemed so horrible that they even have to make coffins that small, but they do.
When we came home, Isabella was crying on the steps of our home, and asked when we can go on a trip to Heaven and visit him. Trying to explain to a 3 year old was just the hardest. We sat and cried together for about an hour that seemed to never exist that day, but one hour I will never forget.
As time passed, God showed me His amazing grace and love. I am thankful for my son and the few moments I had with him. I would do it all over a million times to hold him again. But what I do know is God has promised me eternity with him, so until I see you again my little Carter, I Love you always, always and I am thankful for who I have become because of you, mommy.