First Loss December 2010
Second Loss July 2011
Third Loss September 2011
My Husband and I met very early in life and wasted no time starting a life together, we bought our first home when I was 18 and got married a year later in a beautiful Summer Wedding witnessed by 200 friends and Family. The cluckiness quickly set in for me soon after the wedding. A little over a year later we found ourselves stepping up to be full time foster carers of a relatives children. Over the year they were with us we learnt how much love, joy and understanding children can bring to your life, even under difficult circumstances. My Husband and I knew we were ready to have a child of our own and were excited for what was to come.
Being Just 21 and generally healthy I thought I’d have a gorgeous baby in my arms within a year, Instead I’ve found myself 14 months and 3 losses later with no baby. Had I not lost these pregnancies I would now be 5.5weeks pregnant, 13 weeks pregnant and have a 1 month old baby.
We first discovered we were pregnant in December 2010 and were both over the moon. The morning after the positive pregnancy test I had a little spotting and went to the doctors. After a week of blood tests, sleepless nights and agonising over whether our little one would be okay I miscarried. Despite only being early on my heart broke and grieved greatly for our lost little one.
Following I began to have health problems- losing hair, dry skin, stopped ovulating, feeling hormonal. As a result I discovered I had Hashimoto’s disease and my miscarriage risk was placed at 80%. My Hashi’s was then being treated for a few months and my Endocrinologist said to continue trying for a baby as he saw no reason why we’d have any other issues.
Not too long after we got another positive pregnancy test, I felt so relieved…I was fertile again and this time we had a real shot at taking home a baby! Within a week we lost this pregnancy. I felt angry, frustrated and confused. Where was I going so terribly wrong? What was so defective about my body that it could nurture and grow a baby.
During August our first pregnancies expected due date came and went with 3 babies born that week to friends and family. with each announcement my heart ached for the baby we should have had.
The next month I saw that hoped and prayed for 2nd line on a pregnancy test. The fear immediately set in and there was no emotional capacity for excitement. I felt scared of the torturous days that lay ahead to discover if I could stay pregnant. I delayed getting a blood test as I was scared of what it would tell me. The results from the week before showed that my progesterone had already started dropped well before I found out I was pregnant. After I few days I began to be more hopeful, the test line was getting darker each day, my thyroid levels were looking great and my strict diet would be keeping my insulin levels low. I calculated the Expected due date and it was our 8th Anniversary- maybe this little one was going to be it! Blood tests confirmed I was pregnant but then I noticed the pregnancy test lines fade in the following morning followed by cramping and spotting. Here we go again.
So here we are, 14 months down the track, 3 losses and an empty beautiful home ready for a baby.
Moving forward I am continuing with my Endocrinologist and naturopath and am starting with a new fertility specialist in a few weeks time. I’m praying for hope and healing in the near future.
Hayley can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org