Kenzie

Mommy to Lukas Allen Bradberry

July 21st, 2011

Robinson, Illinois

My husband Larry and I were married on July 10th, 2010. We took our honeymoon in early August, and the day we got back I stopped taking the pill. I had been taking it for 4 years. On February 28th, 2011, I found out I was pregnant! I was so excited, and kind of suprised it only took about 6 months. My husband was thrilled as well, and he was just convinced it was a boy! We told everyone right away, and everyone was so happy. I have a niece that will be 1 in October, and that was exciting because I was due early November, they would only be a year apart! I had a feeling from the get go that I was having a boy, but I told myself it could be a girl (I would have been happy either way!).

On June 21st, we had our 20 week ultra sound to determine the sex. It was a boy, he was Lukas! Seeing the smile on my husbands face melted my heart. And seeing my little boy kicking and going crazy on the screen made me so proud! Right after that appointment we went and told everyone that it was a boy. This day happened to be my father in laws birthday, and he said he couldn’t have got a better present! My husband and I went out to eat at a nice restraunt, and even ordered dessert! We went shopping and bought tons of clothes for Luke. It was the best day of my life! I was so proud to be having a son. He looked just like my husband, you could tell by the 3D ultrasounds.

Lukas was kicking pretty hard, and I knew his movements, knew when to expect a kick. July 13th was the first day I didn’t feel Luke move. The next day, still nothing, and the next nothing till I laid down for bed, he gave me one good kick. The next day, nothing, so by the next I was so scared my husband and I went into the OB. His heartbeat was great. The nurses explained that as they get bigger, they change positions, and there movements may not be as noticable. I accepted this. They did not do a ultrasound.

The next day I had a regular scheduled doctors appointment. His heartbeat was once again great, and the doctor agreed with what the nurses said about the baby must have just changed positions. That night, I got an intense ear infection. It was not gradual, just full on. The next day the ear infection was still not better, so by the next day (July 20th, Wednesday) I called to get into the doctor to get some ear drops. I was working that day, so I told work I would take a long lunch and see the doctor on my break. Since Luke was still not moving I went in to see my OB also, so I could hear his heartbeat again and calm my nerves.

As soon as the nuse put the monitor on my belly and there was no sound, I knew. I knew my son had died. She called the doctor in, he couldn’t find it but told me not to worry. He brought in the ultrasound machine, I would not look on the screen, because I knew he was gone. Then the doctor said “Kenzie, I have some bad news..”.

My heart shattered. My son had died, and there I was , alone. My husband works an hour away. Calling him was the worst call of my life. I had to tell him several times before he believed this was happening. I was 24 weeks 5 days. 6 whole months I carried my son.. and now he was gone.
I called my mom to come with me to the OB, since my husband would be an hour. It was awful.

We went into the OB and I was in a daze. I had to deliver my son, but I would not be getting a screaming bundle of joy, instead we were planning his funeral. They gave me meds to thin my cervix, I got 3 doses of it over 24 hours. The next morning the doctor discovered that Lukas was completely sideways, and he would not straighten out. After that everything was very rushed, and the doctor seemed nervous. He could not do a C section because at 24 weeks my uterus was completely solid, and keeping me open that long would be very risky for me, and sawing through the uterus would give me a high chance of being infertile in the future. I ended up having to have a D&E performed (Dilation and extraction). Even thinking about it is awful. I was told it was my only choice. I was devastated that I would not get to see my son. The procedure went okay, and we got to go home that same night.
I was in a daze for a long time, through the funeral and everything. It has almost been 2 months and I think it has just fully sank in. I feel like I did everything right. I don’t smoke, didn’t drink, mostly stayed away from soda, stayed away from salts.

I love Lukas with every breath I take. I wish more than anything that he was still in my belly, growing and growing. My due date was November 4th. I know he is in heaven, he is a beautiful angel, but I wish he was here with me instead.

They are not fully sure what happened with Luke, since I didn’t get to deliver naturally. The cord is one possibility. And thats what I believe. He had been so active, then just stopped. I feel like when he stopped moving that is when the cord wrapped around him. Another possibility is a blood clot. At the hospital they ran tons of blood tests on me, and I tested borderline for two blood clotting disorders.

I was always a worrier, and nervous during my pregnancy. But I never in my wildest most terrible dreams would have thought this would happen to me.

Kenzie can be contacted at kenzieleigh8806@live.com

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Comments

  1. Amanda says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

  2. amy says:

    I’m sorry for your loss, the same thing happened to me. I was 22 wks when I delivered my son. He was so active in my belly and one day there was nothing. I was told that one of two things had happened. There was a blood clot on my placenta and there was also a knot in his cord. Either the cord knoted and he died or the cord was knotted but not tight and the blood clot burst. I like to think it just knotted and he went to.sleep.

  3. Amber says:

    I am so so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel. My daughter was stillborn on August 12. I was 36 weeks. I too had noticed a huge decrease in her movements in the weeks before her death. The doctor reassured me she was just getting bigger and running out of room. I know the pain you are feeling, the emptiness, how it feels like a part of you is missing. The unbelievable heartache that no one can possibly understand unless they have experienced something like this. If you ever need to vent or cry to just talk, you can always email me.

  4. Hannah says:

    I am so so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks with every story that I read. My son was born sleeping on August 30, 2011 at 37 weeks gestation. My placenta had blood clots in it and I get tested in a few weeks for a clotting disorder. Please know that you are in my prayers.

  5. Carla says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I also lost my daughter Sierra this year on July 6th, her due date was November 5th. She died due to a condition called hydrops. It has been one of the hardest things that me and my husband have had to deal with. I hope that you will get the go ahead to try again soon. Nothing will every be able to fill that void you have but know that you have an angel in heaven. I know that is one of the things that helps me get through the day. I also framed my little girl’s ultrasound picture and kiss it and tell her I love her all the time.

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