Mom of Baby Angel 1- Lost at 7 weeks
December 9th, 2010
and Baby Angel 2 – Lost at 10 weeks
August 3rd, 2011
I married the love of my life on May 18th 2007. From the first day I met him I know I was going to marry him. We married young– me being 19 and him 21. We knew we wanted kids and in Feb of 2008 we decided to start trying. After many months and negative pregnancy tests, because of course every month I thought I was pregnant… we started to get concerned. After a year of TTC and nothing went to see my OB/GYN and May of 2009 was diagnosed with PCOS ( polycystic ovarian syndrome) Instead of taking Metformin we decided to try the natural way first. I’m not a huge fan of perscription drugs.
After a few visits with acupunture AF was regular and we continued to TTC. After my husband said he thinks my Ta Tahs are bigger. ( I always said that each month and my poor hubby had to bring me back to reality) I thought he was kidding but he was serious and after looking at the calender I thought hmm I am 5 days late! So the next morning at 5:30am I got up to take a equate pregnancy test. I usally watch the test the whole 3 minutes but this time I didn’t have to wait 3 minutes because within 15 secs I saw the Line! at first I thought I was just imagining it but nope it was a line! I was in tears! I ran to my bedroom and turned on the light to wake him up and kept saying in between sobs thats theres a line! He had no idea what I was saying and finally I calmed down and showed him the test– sure enough I was pregnant! After taking 3 more tests we figured it was a sure thing and My heart was full of Joy! Finally after so long of trying we had our little miracle! My best friend had just done IVF and the next week we both told each other we were expecting! I was 5 weeks and they were 4 weeks! It was perfect! And right before Thanksgiving!
We told our family and friends and even when some said they were suprised we were telling so soon I thought please we waited this long and it was the perfect timing that wouldn’t happen to us! But the week after Thanksgiving I woke up and went to the bathroom and fear came over me spotting! I told my husband and he said its okay we called the triage and they weren’t concerned since it could be implantation bleeding and as long as i’m not soaking a pad every hour not to be concerned. I went to work like normal but I felt in my heart of heart that something was wrong. The spotting got heavier so I left work early. I wanted to be on the safe side and just get off my feet and lay down. And then the pain started and my legs were cramping and I kept saying Baby please stay with Mommy! Please stay with Mommy!
I finally called Triage and they told me to go to the ER. I called my husband at work and he came to pick me up but not before I felt like I had already lost the baby because the worse of the pain was gone. ER was no help they did an Ultrasound and found no heartbeat but I was measuring 3 weeks when I should have been 6 they sent me home with a prescription for my UTI and they didn’t think I miscarried because they saw a Fetal pole or something. But I knew in my heart that this was the end.
After more ultrasounds and a final one on the 9th of December my Doctor came in to say I had a complete miscarriage and that it was spontenous and that this happens to 90 percent of women and was super kind and told us its important to grieve and that we should and was great. We walked out of the office and I felt like my world just crushed into a million pieces. My birthday was in 2 days and all I wanted was my Baby and to be pregnant still!
Well after a couple of months of me being super depressed I finally was able to talk about it with out balling my eyes out! and 7 months later I took another pregnancy test just out of the blue on July 4th and to my surprise it was Positive! I didn’t even tell my husband I was taking it cause I was sure it would be negative! It was a different feeling this time I wanted to be Super excited like last time but because of the outcome my heart wasn’t able to be as happy! We both were happy and scared a little. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time! And after we passed the 7 week mark we completely and fully embraced this pregnacy!
I was taking progestrone cream, nauseous and throwing up– all signs of a “healthy Pregnancy” and we went in for our 9 week ultrasound to hear the heatbeat and confirm the due date we were sooo excited to finally hear the heart beat! This time my heart broke there was no heart beat and they couldn’t see anything in my sac. I was measuing at 7 weeks and after being sent home to do blood work and be back in a week just to make sure I was hoping for the best but our worst nightmere came true after doing another ultrasound we knew it wasn’t good we couldn’t see anything and my uterus looked the same size. My Dr came in and she told me my uterus was measuring only one day bigger after a whole week. my levels dropped 20,000 in 2 days and I was sent home to take a pill and pain meds… I had a missed Miscarriage. It was 1000 times worse than the first time and the pain was much worse even with the pain meds! I just felt like is this really happening to me! AGAIN! I dind’t understand why and I felt so defeated by life.
But my husband being such a wonderful man and a huge support to me and our Faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ we knew everything happens for a reason and sometimes we won’t ever know that reason but its for us to learn and grow from in some way. My husband and I have always had a very close realationship and with all this pain and heartbreak we have had together we have leaned on each other and have grown so much closer as husband and wife and even though I wish I could have my Babes in my arms to hold right now I know one day it will happen and that moment will be that much more sweeter and special because of the pain we have had to go through.
Brittany blogs at lanceandbrittany.blogspot.com
She can be contact at email@example.com