Mom to angel baby Emily Rose
Early Miscarriage, August 17th, 2011
Syracuse, New York
I am Monica. I’m 28 and had been on the pill for about 12-ish years. I recently married Kevin, the love of my life, on May 28 and I stopped taking the pill as soon as we came back from our honeymoon. We had talked about having children for a long time and were anxious to start our family. I was really surprised (that it happened so fast) and super excited to see what I thought was a positive pregnancy test on 8/10/11… I was so nervous that I bought a digital test on 8/11/11… “PREGNANT”… there was no questioning that… and I was thrilled! My husband was so excited!
We decided to wait a few weeks before making a big announcement to our friends, but could barely contain our joy. We had to tell somebody. We thought it would be cute to send onesies to our parents with a card that said “guess what”. It never crossed our minds, even for a second, just how very fragile pregnancy can be. We sent the packages out on Friday. They arrived on Tuesday.
On Tuesday afternoon, I noticed some light brown spotting and thought (don’t know why) I would take another test. It came back negative. I was speechless. I was so scared and praying that it was wrong, so I took 3 more… all negative. I felt like someone had kicked the ground right out from underneath me. I didn’t know what to do. By all the tickers and such (that I had just created the day before, go figure), I was about 5 weeks along. I was just so confused, but in the bottom of my heart, I knew it was over. Kevin and I both were heartbroken.
Wednesday morning, I started to bleed very heavily and I called my OB. My first appointment (and first ultrasound… when we were hoping to hear the first heartbeat) wasn’t scheduled until September 12… but when I told them I was bleeding, they got me right in. They did a transvaginal ultrasound and confirmed that there was nothing there. She said that I most likely had a “chemical” pregnancy or an early miscarriage. I just went numb. Everything happened so fast. From “Yay!” to “Oh my God” in a matter of days. My head is still spinning.
I was only about 5 weeks along. I had only known I was pregnant for a few days. But from the moment I read the test I fell in love. I daydreamed about names, a nursery, browsed at maternity clothes… I couldn’t wait to be a mother. It’s amazing how quickly your world can change… and then in the blink of an eye, change again.
We plan to take some time off to heal, and then try again… but for now all I am able to think about is my little angel baby.
Monica blogs at http://mrandmrsboles.weebly.com/wife-life-blog.html