Mom to Glory Baby
Miscarried on June 25th, 2010 at 10 weeks, 5 days
I’ve been wanting to write my miscarriage story for a while. It has just taken me this long to find the right words. It all started when my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our very first baby on Mother’s Day 2010. I actually took a positive test on that day, but had to wait and share my excitement with him for a couple days because he was out of town, and that is just not something you share on the phone! We were both pretty surprised, but very excited.
I had a pretty easy time, with only a few days of nausea. I thought this would be easy and that pregnancy wasn’t so bad. All our early doctor appointments went well and I had no reason to think anything was wrong besides just this strange feeling in my gut. Although we were ecstatic and had begun to tell all our friends and family, there was just something that I was feeling that wasn’t right.
On Monday, June 20, I started spotting. Nothing heavy, but very concerning to me. I was able to get into the doctor on Wednesday for a sonogram, which showed our baby to have a normal healthy heart rate and no indications to worry about. I was 10w3d at this point. My doctor reassured me that this happens very commonly and not to worry.
On Friday the 25th of June, I flew to spend the weekend with my friend and attend her baby shower. I noticed that my bleeding became heavier throughout the day and that I was cramping a little more, but tried to stay positive and not worry since I was away from home and just 2 days earlier, had heard my baby’s heartbeat. I was by myself for the weekend, staying at my sister’s home, who was out of the country. I tried to go to sleep Friday evening, but as the evening progressed, I developed very severe cramping and much heavier bleeding with clots. I spent the next hour or two on the bathroom floor in the fetal position with what I now know were contractions to expel my fetus. It kills me to know that it happened that way. I was alone, scared, and in excruciating pain. I almost passed out at a few different points from the pain and bleeding. My precious baby was gone at 10w5d.
After making a few phone calls to my husband, my mom, and a dear friend (who had experienced a m/c herself), I called my sister-in-law who lives in the same town to take me to the emergency room. There they determined that I had a complete miscarriage with no evidence of any remaining fetal tissue. Even though I knew that’s what had happened, when I was told I had miscarried my baby, it really set in. All I wanted was my husband and my parents to comfort and hold me, and they were 5 hours away. By the time I was released from the ER, my husband had arrived and was able to cry with and hold me.
I spent the next few days in shock and devastation. My whole family grieved for us and with us. We would never get to meet our first baby. “She” (just felt like it was a girl from the beginning) was taken from us so suddenly. We were comforted by family and friends, but most of all by our Lord, Jesus Christ. He provided the ultimate comfort for us. He grieved with us, but He also gave us the hope in knowing that our sweet angel baby was with Him, in His hands!
It took me about 6 weeks to really grieve and get past our loss. There were many dark days for me during those 6 weeks, but with lots of love and prayer, I felt like my sadness was lessened and I was able to live again. It was an amazing feeling to have God show me my purpose and what I could rejoice and be happy in.
By God’s grace and only in Him, we have been blessed with our rainbow baby. We found out just after experiencing my Savior in the most amazing way. He works in such wondrous ways. He needed my heart to be healed before He gave us our redeeming rainbow baby! Today we are enjoying our 2 month old baby girl!
I will never forget my time with my angel baby. Even though it was short, it was a time of great joy. She prepared me for the time I would get to spend with her baby sister. Her short existence has given me a greater appreciation of time and most of all LOVE. I hope we make her proud as we parent her little sister, and I hope she knows the impact she made in my life. I pray that through her life, I can be even a small help to someone else who has to experience a m/c. While it is awful and devastating, I believe it has made me become an even stronger woman, who wants to be a better mother, wife, daughter, and sister; who wants to love deeper, and appreciate life more, and become the woman that God created me to be.
Lyndsay blogs at http://j-lmcfarland.blogspot.com
You can contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org