Nilsa

Mom to Annalyse & “My Little Boy”

Born and Died April 24th, 2011

Forest Hills, New York

My children are no longer with me and I miss them, every moment of every day, I miss them.  I ache for them with a deep, soul, ache that cannot be captured in words, or explained.  My arms feel the weight of their emptiness.  My heart feels the emptiness of this wait.

The lives and deaths of Annalyse and “My Little Boy” are so integrated within my life.  Every part of my life is touched by them, and this life chosen for me by God.  I miss these children…

It is refreshing, and I take great joy in knowing that I am not alone in this journey. It is a blessing to have been given the gift of a great partner and wonderful family on both sides to travel this way with… and though my heart is full of sadness and my womb an empty vessel, I will praise the Lord for He is timely and He is wise…and I will strive to love Him as He loves me… without question…

I know my Father is loving and I know He desires good for me… I just wish with all of my being it didn’t hurt so terribly much to learn the things He teaches…

I dedicate these verses to Arthur, Alicia, The Quinones Family, and The Gaskin Family:

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

The Message (MSG)

So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.

“How very softly you both tiptoed into our world, almost silently, only a moment you stayed. But what an imprint those tiny footsteps have left upon my heart.” –Dorothy Ferguson

Nilsa can be contacted at runngunslady@yahoo.com



 

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Comments

  1. It’s when we ache and hurt and turn to God that we understand how beautiful Christ’s healing love is. Job was at his lowest point, covered with ash as dogs licked his sores when he felt a huge division between Him and God. And you know what? He was honest in his questions with God. He didn’t understand why this happened to him and he told God about it.

    And that’s what I respect is your honesty, how your share your broken heart with the world in an attempt to close the wounds. If I may, I suggest you read a book called “Drops Like Stars” by a man named Rob Bell. I have a copy if you wish to borrow it.

    But God feels your pain. You’ve never been alone in this journey and there will be a day where you will be reunited with your children. I urge you to keep the path you’re going, as you’ve shown tremendous strength throughout all of this. You always have your network of friends and family to fall back on, and we’re always rooting for you 1000.9%!

    Back in Ohio, our state motto is “With God, all things are possible,” and you know what? They are.

  2. Maria says:

    Remember today, for it is the beginning of always. A promise. Like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. A belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision to ignore, simply rise above the pain of the past. A covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. A celebration of the chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger than one, like a team braced against the tempest civil world. And love will always be the guiding force in your lives. Nilsa, you are a strong, beautiful, and unbreakable woman. Know that both you and Arthur are always in my prayers and heart. Thinking of you today and always. Trust in *HIS* plan and you will never go wrong. God bless your beautiful families and angels in heaven. Much Love.

    “Gone now, but still very near.
    Death can never separate us.
    Each time you feel a gentle breeze,
    It’s our hands caressing your face.
    Each time the wind blows,
    It carries our voices whispering your name.
    When the wind blows your hair ever so slightly,
    Think of it as us pushing a few stray hairs back in place.
    When you feel a few raindrops fall on your face,
    It’s us placing soft kisses.
    At night look up in the sky and see the stars shining so brightly.
    We’re two of those stars and we’re winking at you and smiling with delight.
    For never forget we’re the apples of your eyes”

  3. Titi Ali (Aunt to Annalyse & "My Little Boy") says:

    On April 24th, God gave me two amazing angels. I rejoice in the Lord because they will occupy my heart and mind forever. They’re exsistence has provided me the ability to be a better mother. They give me patience when I am angry. They give me strength when I am tired. Mostly, they provide me comfort when I am anxious.

    “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is the shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold” – Psalms 18:2

    It is a true blessing to know that your nephew walks this earth with two guardian angels. He speaks their names and knows they are in heaven with Jesus. He knows that one day, he will see his cousins. I am comforted knowing that one day, my niece and nephew will open the gates of heaven for their cousin.

    “But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” – Matthew 19:14

    I dont know a stronger woman than you, Nilsa. God gave you a special gift that I admire.
    Their titi loves them, and will always love them forever.
    They are happy. I know they are. Because they rest in the Lord.

  4. Madalyn Rovalino says:

    What a beautiful way to memorialize these two precious souls that were with us for such a short time! We experienced joy and laughter; we learned who they were and, even rejoiced in discovering their personalities. This made their loss so much more of a tragedy. We ask why?? God’s ways are sometimes mysterious. We do not understand this pain and loss, but we trust and have faith that God’s way is perfect. I look forward to meeting them one day, with you and Arthur holding them in your loving arms!

    Although your pain is indescribable, you are a strong woman in the Lord. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.” HIS grace is sufficient for you.

    You are loved! Not only by your family and friends, but ultimately by God! “Be still and know that I am God”-Psalms 46:10.

    Love you always, Titi Madalyn

  5. Daniel King says:

    Nilsa,

    A beautifully heartfelt message; both sad and hopeful. My thoughts and those of my family have been with you, and will continue to be.

    ~ Danny

  6. Veronica Quinones (Nama) says:

    Dear Nilsa and Arthur,

    It is with great pain in my heart that I re- live the parting of my grandchildren. I felt the joy that you felt. I feel the saddness that you feel. But thanks to God, we have a hope that one day we will be united.
    God has a special plan for you and I know that in His time you will know why.

    “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:4-6

    You are both lucky to have each other. Draw love and hope from each other’s arms. Trust God to lead your way. Stay close to God. This was a loss but it’s not the end. God will grant you the desires of you hearts one day.

    Be strong and know that your father and I both love you dearly.
    Love,
    Mom

  7. Esther Rodeghero says:

    While it is difficult to accept and even more difficult to understand, our heavenly Father holds us in his hands and gives us all the love any human father can give and then some. Rest assured, your babies sleep in Jesus. We have a blessed hope that one day soon, we will see those loved ones again, fully restored and intact and we will recognize them. This is a promise.

  8. Lynda Cortes says:

    Since you were a child, I knew you were a strong, determined yet tenderhearted individual.  You have felt other’s pain when they were sick, and empathized with them.   You celebrated with me.  When you knew I was expecting Raylyn you told me “this is what this family needs Titi, a baby”.    I have been proud of your personal achievements.  My heart’s desire for you has always been your happiness.  So as I prayed, and bargained with God for your children’s lives my motive was to see you happy, all along knowing that He sees and knows what is best for you.  I praise my heavenly Father because He still sits on the throne.  My hope is not only to one day see those who have gone to rest in the Lord, but to watch your children grow in a perfect world where fear or sadness will never exist, where they will never experience hurt or pain. And where I know that they will meet with their Creator face to face.  Until then Nilsa and Arthur,  seek Him out while He can still be found.  If your heart still hurts, tell Him.  If your emptiness is too deep, tell Him.  As I have struggled with Him and found peace to accept and move on  through my personal difficulties, He can do the same for you.  The Cortes family loves you very much.

    Love, Titi

  9. Michelle Bodden-White says:

    Nilsa,
    The strength you show today amazes me. I watch how you have survived such a devestating loss, and I am so proud to call you a friend. I cannot imagine the depth of the pain you have been through. My heart is with you and Aurthur – may you each continue to love each other, lean on each other, support each other and grow in your connectedness.

    With IMMENSE love and respect,
    Michelle

  10. Titilayo says:

    Continue to be strong and live strong. You have a circle of friends and family that will always love you in time of pain and happiness. Some of us may not understand the loss of a child, but continue to tell your story. You may not realize how many other people you inspire to be open about something so personal. Continue to trust in God. God has a greater plan for you and in God’s time he shall bless you. Remember your children and pray for them to return to you. Keep them close to your hearts and never forget them. Their spirits shall be with you all days of your life.

    Remember Man proposes but God deposes.

    ~~Titi~~

  11. Madeline Baez says:

    Dearest Nilsa,

    The experience of loving Annalyse and My Little Boy has been a gift that I have seen reflected in the way you have embraced the impressions after meeting and admiring the beauty of your beloved two, darling, little souls.

    There is a quiet and determined appreciation that comes to all who listen to the story of Annalyse and My Little Boy. For us, your friends and loved ones, Annalyse and My Little Boy came with a message; they came as teachers to a teacher in order to remind you, and all of us, about two of life’s best lessons: Never Take Life for Granted, and Live Life In Awareness of it Fragility and Unique Experience.

    Dear Arthur,

    Thank you for loving and caring for my beautiful, wonderful, intelligent, and resilient amigita. Your babies, though visiting for just a brief moment in time, left behind a message about love and life that will forever resonate within my heart.

    Appreciating life ever much more, Madeline

  12. Virginia says:

    Nilsa & Arthur

    Weeping may endure for a night but Joy cometh in the morning….A loss causes a void that is challenging at best to replace but faith or belief in our God that seethe all things; knowth all things and healthe all things will help fill the void. Therefore I quote for you Isaiah 40:31 ‎”Those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles; they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint”.

    Wait upon the Lord for he shall restore unto you all that has been taken.

    I love you! and I am here for you when you need me!

    Virginia

  13. Arthur says:

    5 months. It’s not that long but it was long enough for me to love, cherish, and develop a relationship with the both of you. In that time I watched as you both grew and took on little personalities of your own. To Annalyse & “My Little Boy”, Daddy loves and misses you dearly. I will always keep you in my heart until the day I am able to see you again.

    Thank you all for the love and support shown throughout this entire ordeal. We take great comfort in knowing that we have a wonderful network of support. We are both extremely fortunate for such loving and supportive family and friends.

    Arthur

    • Nilsa says:

      Your Tiny Little Footprints
      Your tiny little footprints that were so very small
      Have left a big impression in the hearts of us all
      Though both of you were growing and healthy as can be
      It seems your short life on this earth was all was meant to be
      You will never be forgotten, nor ever be replaced
      You will live on in all of us; in our hearts is your place
      Please know that we’ll always miss you and always love you so
      Your tiny little footprints will never truly go

      Dedicated to Our Twins
      Love Mommy and Daddy,
      August 2011

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