Lyric

Loss #1 November 2001

#2 July 2005

#3 August 2008

#4 November 2011

#5 December 2011

Portage, WI


All my life I was sure of one thing and that was someday I was going to be a mom.  I was never sure of what I wanted to “do” for a living but I KNEW I had to have kids.  I wanted a lot of kids.  When I was 18 I was diagnosed with PID and told that this would decrease my chances of being able to have a baby by 25% I cried and was sad but moved past that quickly as at 18 I wasn’t planning on kids anytime soon.

Six years later, I was married on August 18, 2001. In Oct 2001, it was discovered that despite the fact I was on the birth control pill I was pregnant.  I was scared and excited at the same time.  I remember waiting for my husband to come home to tell him afraid he’d be mad as we wanted to wait 1 full year before trying for a baby, not 2 months.  Keith cried and was scared but quickly got excited the next day we went to the store and bought a border and painted the nursery.  I took 5 pregnancy tests and watched them get darker. I would be due on my birthday July 14, 2002.  On Nov 10 2001, I went home to tell my parents ( we live 2 hours away).  As I told them I felt some weird cramping.  I went to the bathroom and there was pink on the toilet paper.  Everyone reassured me including the doctor saying pink is ok and it was probably just implantation bleeding.  So I believed them and went on my way.  The next day though it came to a crashing halt.  We were at a football game party when I went to the bathroom and there came the bright red clots.  I called my husband into the bathroom and off to the hospital he rushed me.  They did some blood work and an ultrasound.  The doctor came in and told me my beta was at 15 which was WAY to low for where I should have been in my pregnancy.  He sent me home with instructions on how to deal with a miscarriage.  I was in shock and denial.  I read stories on misdiagnosed miscarriages and held onto hope.  But I was wrong.  At my follow up appt in 2 weeks my beta was a 0 and I was no longer pregnant.  The day after the miscarriage I ripped the border off of the wall and screamed in heartache.  WHY?  It was almost a week before I could stop crying or get out of bed.

Exactly 1 month later, I went to the bathroom and there was 1 test left from all the boxes I bought with my 1st pregnancy.  I thought lets see if this goes negative now.  It didn’t!!!  It was bright positive a VERY dark red line on an Answer early test.  I called the doctor for a beta.  Guess what it was 15,000.  I was very much pregnant.  I got my first ultrasound at 9 weeks and there was a healthy baby!  I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy until 35 weeks.  I went to my normal weekly check up and I had gained 20 lbs in 1 week my blood pressure was 205/110 and I was sent to the lab to get the stuff to do a 24 hour urine catch.  The results came back at 998.  Anything over 300 is bad.  So I was induced at 35 weeks and 5 days.  Ayden James was born after 31 ½ hours of labor he was 7 lbs 9 oz a big preemie.  He was healthy for 45 minutes.  At 45 minutes old my sister in law was insistent that they give Ayden a hat and check out why he seemed so blue.  He was blue because he was “dead”. The nurse said “someone get me some help this baby is limp, he’s blue, he’s not breathing, he’s dead” and then she sat him on the table.  My husband went running to Ayden, my mom came running to my side and my sister ran out to the hallway screaming for help.  After what felt like a lifetime my sister in law gave me a thumbs up and said ”Lyric they have a heartbeat, his heart rate is up to 59”. They were able to help Ayden.  He is completely fine, God saved my son.  When the NICU doctor came in after Ayden was brought back to answer questions I only had one “would he have brain problems”.  He couldn’t answer that he said it was a wait and see through out his life type of thing”.  No one can explain to me still to this day what happened with Ayden then. I remember saying to my mom why would god make me suffer a miscarriage only to carry a full term baby to have it die in my arms? Ayden only had to spend 2 days in the NICU.  He was hooked up to machines but had no more episodes.  Ayden will be 9 this summer and he is healthy and smart with no problems.

Skip forward 2 years later we were ready to try for #2 I was shocked it took so long I mean I got pregnant with Ayden 12 days after my miscarriage which was conceived on the pill.  Anyway after 9 long months of trying there it was the beautiful 2nd line on my pregnancy test.  I was so excited.  As a self diagnosed Pee on a Stickoholic I continued to test daily so I was shocked to see the lines start to get lighter after about 4 days.  I called my doctor and got a beta it was only 39 but that was ok they said I wasn’t even late for my period yet it was early.  2 days later I went for my repeat beta. 12 it was only 12.  It was explained to me I was having a chemical.  Another miscarriage they said.  I was sad but not devastated I had been here before I know I can get pregnant again.  And 4 weeks later I tested positive.  I got my first ultrasound at 7 weeks.  A healthy baby was there.  All was great until 24 weeks.  I felt the same as when my pre Eclampsia started with Ayden but no one would believe me.  1 month later I went to the hospital insisting someone look further into why I was feeling the way I was.  Sure enough my 24 hour results came back at 786. I had pre Eclampsia again.  I was admitted they said until I had the baby.  They were going to take her the next day.  I was so scared 28 weeks is too early, so many problems for the baby.  I got my 2 steroid shots and cried and cried.  They did and ultrasound and found Jazlyn to be 2 lbs 15 oz.  I could not have a baby that little surely there had to be something we could do.  The doctors said they would keep me on bed rest in the hospital.  I had a 3 year old at home.  I was so sad.  My husband a Police Sergeant had to go back to work we had to find someone for Ayden.  My mom called and said my dad was willing to move in with us and take care of Ayden until I had the baby.  1 week into my hospital stay they said I could do strict bed rest at home as long as someone was there to take care of me 24/7 and my dad was.  So 8 long weeks of bed rest and bi weekly doctor appts it was.  I was induced at 36 weeks with Jazlyn all they had to do was break my water.  She came out 4 hours later at 6 lbs 11 oz and she turned 5 in April.

2 Years later I was ready to try again.  I went to the specialist to see if we should/ could even try after 2 losses and 2 cases of severe pre Eclampsia.  She said the risk was up to me but she would take me on and try some new things with me.  She put me on baby aspirin and said go ahead and start trying.  August 9th 2008 I tested positive, here we go again.  We (in hind site stupidly) told my son who was now 6.  All betas went up perfectly and things were going great until August 22nd.  I started light brown spotting.  I called the doctor who said brown was ok.  I knew better this was time #3 down this road.  I went to the hospital to run a beta.  The last one had been up to 500.  Well it was only at 39 so another freaking loss was starting.  What did I do wrong?  Why?  I was so sad, but my doctor told me they wanted to run some tests so to wait 1 full cycle so they could do some recurrent loss testing.  She said she was sure I would have another baby and all would be fine.  Well guess what when I went in for my recurrent loss testing it was discovered I was pregnant again.  No testing panel done that day.  I was followed closely and my first ultrasound done again at 7 weeks.  Baby looked great.  This was my best pregnancy.  Everything was prefect until 33 weeks when my blood pressure went up.  I was put on bed rest.  I never spilled any protein so I never got pre Eclampsia but did have bi weekly appts.  At 38 weeks I went into labor on my own and gave birth after 1.5 hours of labor to a prefect 7 lb 1 oz baby girl. Arianna turned 2 on May 18th.

18 months later I was ready to try again.  I called up my doctor and asked them to run the panel before trying incase I had another loss.  I went in and had all testing done.  Halloween I tested positive. This baby (my last or I thought at the time) would be due the same day as my first pregnancy, my birthday July 14 2011!!!  Come November 5th and the light pink spotting I knew what was going on I called the doctor to cancel beta #3.  #1 and #2 where going up as expected but something happened again.  November 29th I tested positive again.  Knowing my track record I was excited after every loss, 3 weeks later came a positive test and a healthy baby.  So worries all was good.  NOPE I was wrong loss number 5 came on Dec 3rd.  I went back to the doctor who said the loss testing revealed I had a c677t mutation which could be the cause of my losses and my pre Eclampsia. She put me on baby aspirin, vitamin d, a ton of extra folic acid, a vitamin b complex and progesterone supplements.

Christmas Eve morning I felt it, I knew I was pregnant again.  I was!  I even tested positive on a digital test at only 8 days past ovulation.  I knew this baby would be ok I was finally on what I needed to be on and it was a holy day to test positive.  Everything is going great so far with this pregnancy I am due Labor day (how fitting).  No signs of pre Eclampsia yet and I feel wonderful.  We do not want to find out the sex of the baby we don’t care what we have just as long as it’s healthy.  My doctor is amazing and taking great care of me with plenty of ultrasounds to keep me reassured all is ok.

I never thought I would be one of those women who have more babies in heaven waiting for them than here on earth, but I know my mother in law is watching over them great until I can meet them.


Lyric can be contacted at theklafkes@yahoo.com

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Show Your Support

*

© 2011 Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope | PO Box 26131 | Minneapolis, MN 55426 | Contact Us