Ever since I was a little girl I have always wanted to be a mommy! Luckily I have an older sister who has had two beautiful babies that I have had the privilege of being around them as they grow… although not the same as being a mommy of my own it helped the wait to becoming a mommy one day.

My boyfriend and I decided we weren’t going to be careful anymore… about four months went by that we were disappointed and thought it would never happen! Easter morning I wake up and decided I’m going to take the test… I lay back in bed with Kyle (my boyfriend) and we sit there and wait… he counts to himself for three minutes and JUMPS out of bed… he bends over looks at the test… stands up… bends down again and says “um babe?” so I jump up and sure enough! We were pregnant!!! I cried I was soooo excited!!! I couldn’t wait to tell everyone!!! I FINALLY would be a mommy!!!

We scheduled a Dr appointment and got our ultrasound done and saw the little heartbeat of my little baby!!! I was about 7 weeks along at that point! We were so excited!!!

Every time we went to the store we would walk through the baby section, we couldn’t wait to find out the sex! We both wanted a boy! We were going to name him Charlie… and Isabella for a girl. We started reading books and I subscribed to whattoexpect.com and daily I would read up and tell Kyle what was happening inside me! He was so excited! He would kiss my belly daily and say goodnight to him… He was going to be the perfect daddy!

The day my life came to a crash was May 28, 2011… The day before I was at work at and went to the bathroom… I saw a tiny bit of blood but didn’t think anything of it… I told Kyle and promised I would keep an eye on it. That night I started bleeding more…I called my mom (shes a nurse) and she told me to just relax sit down and put my feet up… I did… but I just continued to bleed… I went to the ER and got checked, Dr said everything looked fine and I shouldn’t worry until I start cramping or clotting… but to stay off my feet for the next couple of days and come back if the bleeding increased.

We went home feeling a little bit of relief… went to bed and the next day I did exactly what the Dr told me to, sat and watched TV… as the day progressed the bleeding got worse… clots started showing up and that’s when I began to lose it!

We went back to the ER and had an ultrasound done… the lady just kept measuring things and taking a lot of pictures… I asked her if everything looked OK and she wasn’t allowed to tell me… I cried… All I wanted was for my baby to be healthy heart beating and growing!!! About an hour passed and the Dr came in… he sat down and I LOST IT! At this time I was 9 weeks along and he told me my little nugget stopped growing at about 6.5-7 weeks. My heart broke! Kyles heart broke! Our baby was no longer and I didn’t know where to go from there…

That night I experienced really bad cramps and heavy bleeding… I passed him at home that night. It has been a really rough road… I constantly cry and feel the heartbreak. I have been having a really hard time with this… I break down, I’m trying to find some way to deal and I’m just giving it my all. My mom gave me the idea to find a support group and that’s how I found this! I’m very happy I did.

“An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth, the whispered as she closed the book, Too beautiful for earth.”