Ashley

Mom to Grace Marie

November 5th, 2010

Florida

My name is Ashley and I am an angel mother of a baby girl name Grace Marie. I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant. I am now 18. It was unplanned but I loved my baby the moment I saw those two pink lines.I fought to keep her. I wanted to give this beautiful baby inside me a chance.

I knew for two weeks that I was pregnant before the spotting began. I went to the doctors for the first time on October 19th, 2010. I’ll never forget that day. I got to see my little baby. So small, only the size of a peanut. The doctor told me I was 5-6 weeks pregnant. I got my first ultrasound picture and I was on my way. I was suppose to go back two week later. I, my boyfriend and everyone starting getting excited. I bought a pregnancy book and we even picked out a crib. A week later I went to school like any other day. I started to feel wet and I went to the bathroom and alls I could see was blood. I went back to the doctors. He said there was a chance I could be miscarrying. The baby was still there then. For weeks I went twice a week to get my hcg levels checked. they were going up but not like they were suppose too. I prayed for my baby. I never stopped. Yeah I was only 17 but I would have gave up anything.

On November 5th, 2010 I woke up at 2:30 am too\ cramps and heavy bleeding. We went to the ER. There wasn’t much they could do. They did an ultrasound and my precious baby was still there. I remember the nurse saying over and over again “You are probably going to miscarry” I think that was when I realized God had other plans and that  I was going to lose her. I passed her sometime over the weekend at 7 weeks. Being young and this happening to me has been so hard.

I have had to listen to so many people tell me “it was for the best” or “you’re young you will have plenty of times to have kids” My one teacher even told me I should consider it a blessing because there is a difference being 18 and 30 and having a miscarriage. My angel gives me the strength. While I was on bed rest I said that if she was a girl I would name her Grace. It was too early to tell the sex but deep down I believe my baby would have been a girl. My boyfriend picker her middle name which just happens to be mine.

My boyfriend stuck by me through everything. Most guys would have ran but he didn’t. I miss my angel so much but she has made me a better person and has taught me the value of life.It hurts me to know that I will never get to hold her, to rock her to sleep, to see those beautiful eyes, to see her take her first step. I think about her everyday. She will always be my first child.

I wanted to post my story on here because I wanted  to share my story and to take a stand. I also want people to know that no matter how old or young you are losing a baby hurts. I am tired of suffering in silence. Every day is a struggle for me. I hope that one day we won’t have to anymore.

 

You can contact Ashley at ash9337@yahoo.com

 

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Comments

  1. Ashley, I’m so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to say that I think that it is awful that people made you feel like that because you are young that your loss should not hurt. NOT TRUE! A loss is a loss no matter what age the mother is. Lots of hugs!

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