Mom to Chloe, Lost 24+ weeks in September 2005
Second Loss at 21 weeks in October 2007
Third Loss at 13 weeks in March 2008
Fourth Loss at 21 weeks in April 2009
Fifth Loss at 12/13 weeks in July 2010
Sixth Loss at 9 weeks in 2010
Seventh Loss at 9 weeks in January 2011
Cape Town, South Africa
I found out I was pregnant for the first time in June 2005. I was nervous about telling my mom, because I was raised “first get married and then babies” lol. After I told my mom MY good news, it took her a while to get over it. Didn’t take her very long though, because the next thing you know she starts buying baby clothes. Me too, I just couldn’t resist the cute little outfits.
All went well during the pregnancy….until one Monday morning. While getting ready for work, I went to the loo and saw that I was spotting. I immediately phoned my manager and told her I’m going to the doctor to have it checked out. Once I got to the doctor they told me to go to the local MOU as they would be able to assist me better.
Got to the MOU, there they tell me to go to the hospital I booked at. I went back home and asked my mom to go with me. By this time I started to get cramps and the bleeding got worse. We then left for the hospital (via public transport) as my hubby was at work and I didn’t want to alert him unnecessarily. I still remember asking a friend of mine who lives just a few doors away, but she had a dentist’s appointment she couldn’t reschedule.
Anyway, on our way in the taxi I started feeling sick. I was nauseous, hot, cold and crampy. The road to the hospital seemed like forever. When we finally arrived there, I still had a hell of a distance to walk (UPHILL). I had to stop every couple of seconds because I felt I wouldn’t make it to the hospital. As I stepped in by the doors I collapsed in the closest wheelchair. My mom explained the whole story and I was rushed to the labour ward. There the Gynae came to check on me and confirmed my worst fear……I’m miscarrying. I WAS 24 WEEKS PREGNANT. I didn’t know what to do, I was… My mom phoned my hubby and he was there in the next 10 to 20 minutes. We were devastated.
I was in labour for about 2 to 3 hours, which felt like a lifetime, because I just wanted it all to be over with. The whole time I was in labour I still didn’t give up hope yet. I thought that maybe, just maybe we’ll pull through… but no, not this time. After she was born, the nurses tried to revive her, but they couldn’t.
The nurses gave her to us to hold, which I did. My hubby didn’t want to, it was just too much for him. Oh, she was perfect. Chloe, we were going to name her Chloe. The nurses made us a little card with her footprints……two perfect footprints, the only thing we had to remind us of her.
After everything was done, I had to see the social worker. I didn’t want to though, what was I supposed to tell her… I lost my baby???? I just wasn’t in the mood to talk about how I felt. I just wanted to get home and be with my hubby (then boyfriend). When I was discharged I went to live with my hubby and his family for a while. I didn’t want to be home and face everyone… not just yet. I needed time. It took me a while to come to grips with it all but the support I got from my family, especially my hubby, was overwhelming. Just being with him made everything all right. I learnt such a lot during this time. It made me a stronger person and it has just brought us closer to each other.
My other miscarriages were quite similar to the first one. I never gave up hope though. We kept on trying. I was doctors in and out… Gynaes in and out. Tests after tests after tests. After all that it was confirmed that I had an incompetent cervix. I could only carry the baby till a certain time, and then I would miscarry. My womb was too weak. I was going to get a stitch (cerclage) at 12 weeks with my next pregnancy. The doctor explained all the pro’s and con’s to me very carefully. Apparently it can’t be done sooner; it has to be at 12 weeks or later.
I fell pregnant again for the 7th time in October 2010. I was ecstatic, but yet so very afraid. The pregnancy was confirmed and I was referred to the high risk clinic immediately. I would go to the hospital every alternate week to have an internal scan and have my cervix measured. All went well, until I started spotting at about 9 weeks. It would come and go nothing major. I had an appointment for the 30th at the doctor who was going to do the operation and I had another one on New Year’s Eve for my regular check-up. On the 30th the doctor just confirmed the operation date (3 January 2011) and I told him about the spotting. He then did an internal examination and found that I had a bit of infection. He prescribed some antibiotics and moved the operation date back to the 9th January 2011. The infection had to be cleared before the operation could take place. The next day was my normal routine clinic, this time hubby was with, and as usual…..the scan. I was on the bed waiting for the doc and all sorts of emotions went through me. My hubby’s with me and this would be so special. Doc came back, did the scan and suddenly I noticed her expression. I asked her if something was wrong and she said it could be a mistake, but she couldn’t find a heartbeat. She sent me for a more formal scan and there the doctor confirmed that there was no heartbeat.
I was shattered. All I could think was “NO, NOT AGAIN”. I thought to myself what’s going on here? This is not supposed to be happening again! I was supposed to get a stitch and have this baby. I couldn’t understand I was so confused. I was 12 weeks pregnant, but according to the scan I was only nine weeks. I was scheduled for a D&C on New Year’s Day. I went in the next day and had the D&C. It was the worst thing ever!!! The doctors tell you that it will be uncomfortable… UNCOMFORTABLE MY FOOT, IT HURTS LIKE HELL! Have they ever had one??!!
That day there were 3 ladies scheduled for D&C’s as well. Surely it being uncomfortable wouldn’t have all of us moaning in pain?! Anyway, I just wanted to go home and I could, but only after 3 o clock. I’d been there since 8 in the morning. They managed to get the foetus and they kept it because they wanted to do some tests to find out what went wrong. I was supposed to phone and make an appointment to start seeing the Gynae again, but I just don’t have the energy. I’m so sick of hospitals and doctors and tests. I have an appointment for the 1st June 2011 though which my GP made.
So this is my story. After 7 miscarriages…..still childless. But let me tell you I AM NOT GIVING UP HOPE!!!!! My time will come. It was so overwhelming when I came across this site. I couldn’t believe that there are so many women who went through more or less the same thing that I have. Some even much worse!
Chantal can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org