Mom to Will
Born March 5th, 2011
Passed Away April 2nd,2011
My name is Becky and I am the mother of my beautiful baby boy, Will, who was born March 5, 2011, and passed away April 2, 2011.
My husband and I got married June 19 2010, and immediately decided we wanted to start a family. In September we found out we were pregnant. Justin was instantly thrilled, but I was scared and worried and didn’t want to get too excited in case I lost the pregnancy. It was an irrational fear that took up much of my time. Our families were skeptical but eventually got excited too.
At 20 weeks we went in for a sonogram and found out we were having a little boy. Seeing my son moving around and seeing his face instantly bonded us. I loved this tiny human being more than anything in the world.
Around 25 weeks or so I started having high blood pressures but nobody seemed to be too concerned about it. At 27 weeks my blood pressure was so high that I had to go into the doctor and have some tests done. My labs came back and they were abnormal and with the elevated blood pressure it was determined I had pre-eclampsia. I was admitted into the hospital and started on a Magnesium Sulfate drip to try to get my blood pressure under control. The hospital I was in wasn’t equipped to deal with preemies and since delivery is the only way to cure pre-eclampsia, I was life flighted to the University Hospital in Utah. I was very very sick and could stroke or have a seizure, or even die, at any time. They admitted me in Utah and checked the baby. He was doing just wonderful. They then turned their attention on me giving me medication to lower my blood pressure, did blood tests, then gave me shots to develop the baby’s lungs. My blood pressure was starting to get better, so they had me on bed rest for the remainder of my stay in the hospital. It was looking like I had a long two months a head of me.
Two days later my blood pressure got out of control and they decided to deliver my baby. I was at 28 weeks gestation. After 23.5 hours of easy labor, my gorgeous 2 lb 6 oz 12 inch little boy was born kicking and screaming. They rushed him to the NICU and let my husband go and see him about when they got him stabilized. He was breathing on his own and had am APGAR score of 9. He was wonderful.
About 3 days later Will stopped breathing. They put him on the ventilator and gave him some time to rest. The next day he was off of it and back on Bubble CPAP. He kept doing amazing for a couple weeks and got moved to a less intensive care room. We were so proud of out little guy.
At two and a half weeks old, Will developed NEC. It was a very mild case and had an Andersen Tube placed in his belly to suck out all the free floating air and was put on anitbiotics. He was back to normal within two days. Justin and I were completely terrified when he was sick. I just couldn’t imagine not having him here.
At 25 days old he was doing amazing and was moved again. We were so elated we couldn’t help but celebrate. But the party was short lived.
The day following the move, Will got NEC again, and this time it was bad. His bowels were leaking into his blood stream and he developed a blood infection. They trasfered him to the children’s hospital next door to perform exploratory surgery to see if any of his bowel had died. If only a small portion had died, they could remove it and he would survive. I never gave up faith and hope. I just knew my little man would be okay. We took him to surgery and waited. What happened next was the worst possible outcome.
Will’s doctor came and told us that all of his bowel had died and there was nothing they could to for him. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. All I could do was sit and cry. How could my little baby who was doing so well just two days before be dying?
We went back to the baby’s room and bathed him and dressed him. They then took him out of the incubator and his entire family took turns holding him. The doctor’s left it up to us to determine when it was time to take him off the oscilator. He was sedated and full of pain medication. He didn’t even know we were there. I wanted him to make it to 4 weeks old. I don’t know why, I just knew it was something we had to do. So we waited. Justin held him and sang to him. We called a photographer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep and she took some pictures. At 12:30 a.m. on the 2nd of April, we told the nurse it was time to let him go. They pulled the tubes out and he was free. No tubes, no wires, no alarms. Just us and the beautiful life we brought into this world, and were watching leave it. The photographer came back in and took more pictures. All the while baby Will’s heart kept beating. Finally, at 1:30 a.m., he died in the arms of his father.
The pain and misery and anger I feel inside is indescribable. My whole life is completely derailed and my future is not what we planned it. With pre-eclampsia there’s a high return rate, and I don’t think I can handle any of this chaos to happen again. My first baby, my angel baby, will probably be my last.
You can contact Becky at email@example.com