Mom to Savanna
Lost to miscarriage at 12 weeks on March 8th, 2011
I have a beautiful and healthy 2 year old daughter who we tried for 2 and a half years to conceive and that was so hard on myself and my husband, so many things went through our heads “Maybe we are not meant to have a child?” “Are we strong enough to get through this?”
I fell pregnant with her and it was the best day of my life. I had to keep checking the pregnancy test– I couldn’t believe it finally happen for us. I had a dream pregnancy and went two weeks over my due date so the day came that I went in to be induced. I was so nervous because I thought if anything happens to her, I won’t cope. I need her to be healthy. When I was pushing her out all the power went out in the hospital and we had to wait for the back up generators to kick in (I joke that she made the world stop just for a sec to see her come out).
When she came out she didn’t cry or make a fuss in any way, when I didn’t hear her cry I started to freak out “What’s wrong with her? Is she ok? No one answered me until they put her on my chest and I saw she was just prefect and still is.
When we decided to try for our second baby we thought it would take the same amount of time but when just months later I fell pregnant I was over the moon that it seemed so easy this time around. I had my first ultrasound at 7 weeks (like i did with my daughter) and we were told there was one very good size 7 week old baby in there. We went home feeling so blessed that we had another baby on the way.
At 12 weeks I was sent for my second ultrasound but this time I was feeling very uneasy, something just didn’t feel right. Once I laid down I was shaking and when the ultrasound started I just knew something was wrong. I ask the Dr “Is everything ok?” He didn’t reply.. I started to cry and then he said “There is no heartbeat”………. I was beside my self. I couldn’t catch my breath, my poor husband didn’t hear what the Dr had said and thought I was crying out of joy like I had with all my other ultrasound. The Dr started to ask me questions like “Did you feel pregnant?” I lost my cool and yelled for him to leave the room, I couldn’t hear any more from the man that had just told me that I had lost my baby.
I told my husband what the Dr had said and he stopped cold ” I didn’t hear him say that” What do you mean” he said.
The next 15 mins were spent sitting in the Dr office while he told us what the next step was. I couldn’t hear a word I went numb and couldn’t believe that it was true. I kept waiting for him to say “oh no we made a mistake the baby is fine” (I know how silly that sounds)
A week passed and I hadn’t bled yet but was told my hormone levels were going down so my body was breaking down the tissues and if I was to show any sighs of bleeding to go straight to hospital. One night I was up out of bed in severe pain and crying, I felt like I was in labour so I thought this is it. I was expecting to go to the toilet and bleed and pass tissue… but no nothing not even a spot of blood.
Went to the Dr the next day he booked me into the hospital where I had a suction D&C.
We decided that we were going to call her Savanna Jane though it was too early to tell the gender; but we always thought we were having a girl and we never agreed on a boys name so it just felt right to us because, after all, we were going to have a new baby in September and she deserved to have a name. We decided to make her a memory box with a gold plate on top ” Savanna Jane Reed R.I.P angel” to put the ultrasound discs in, my pregnancy tests, letters we have written her and anything else we felt should be in there. We also got a naming certificate from the SANDS website so we could frame it with the photo we got from the NAMES IN THE SANDS website .
I only carried her for a very short time but I was blessed to do so, we felt we needed to do these things to grieve for her and it has helped. Thanks for reading my story x