Kelly

Mom to Devon  Christopher

June 29th, 2001

and Chloe Ann

September 26th, 2008

Hillsboro, Oregon

I was 7 months along with my son, Devon, I went in for an ultrasound, and just knew something was wrong, because he hadn’t kicked in a day, and I  found he had passed away.

During labor, when he was pulled out, their was discoloration on his body. This seemed strange to everyone, so we had an autopsy done, and found out he had blood clots on his head, where he was losing oxygen, and there was not enough fluid around him, because of the clots. Two days after having him, I was rushed to the ER, with terrible back spasms, and later found out I had a Pulmonary Embolism, and that was the cause of Devon’s passing.  To this day, I still feel guilt, like somehow his death was my fault. It’s a daily reminder of how much I miss my baby boy!

I was almost 5 months along with my daughter, Chloe Ann, when I was at work and felt like she was falling out of me. I got to the ER, and later found out she had actually fallen partially out of me, and I had an incompetent cervix. By this time, she was too far down to just simply stitch me up and pray she’d make it. So, the next day, I had to deliver my baby girl, and once again, give her away.

I was so scared to get pregnant again after losing Devon, that I concentrated on the blood clot issue and stress, and not realizing I had this other issue (incompetent cervix) to now deal with. It’s been so extremely tough on me, my husband, and parents. It’s been a lot of counseling, crying, breaking down, anger, etc. I’m still here though, and taking each day at a time…some are good, and some are not even close to good! I haven’t decided if I want to try again, but I do know I want a baby, but I don’t think I can handle losing another child, it’s too heartbreaking! I’m a mother to 2 baby angels, but you shouldn’t have to visit graves to talk with your babies, it’s so unfair!

You can contact Kelly at annluv79@gmail.com

 

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Comments

  1. Joycelyn says:

    Oh Kelly! sharing your story is so lovely and will help a lot of people to know they aren’t alone. My heart breaks for you and your family as you struggle to live without your babies. the last sentence just made me cry.
    Many gentle hugs to you,
    joycelyn

  2. Jessica says:

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your babies. I lost my son to IC 3 months ago and I can’t imagine losing a second baby as well. Thoughts and prayers!

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