Later that evening I finally crawled into bed to crash for the night. I gently placed my hands on my stomach expecting the baby to be moving, as she had done every night that I got into bed. As I began to anxiously watch the time continue to tick by with still no movement, I began to worry. My husband started pushing on my stomach and still there was no movement. After an hour, I decided I needed to head to the doctor.
I can still remember praying all the way to hospital that everything would be ok, but I think I knew that it was not ok. When I got to the hospital they quickly got me into a room and tried to find the baby’s heartbeat and yet a chilling silence saturated the entire room. I was beginning to feel very sick as they rolled the ultrasound machine over my stomach to reveal a curled up and lifeless baby girl. I laid my head back and cried, “God no, God why?”
The next few hours are somewhat of a blur. I don’t think I talked much; I just laid and cried. The next morning was Sunday, May 3, 2009. I was in a delivery room being induced to deliver my stillborn little girl. While most of the day is lost in my memories, I do remember the moment she was born. Three pushes and out she came. I did not see her – I simply laid my head back and closed my eyes as tears rolled down my face. My husband watched as her lifeless body came into the world. He fell to his knees and sobbed as he tightly held my hand. Our World was forever changed in that defining moment!