Aimee
Mom to Charlotte Jean
Born Still on January 8, 2011
Jamestown, Ohio
 
My story starts like many others. I fell in love with my soul mate and best friend, Peter. We met in college and married in August 2006 after I graduated. We somehow, only God knows how, ended up living and settling down in the middle of no where Ohio. God has so richly blessed us in our 4 years of marriage and we were ready to add to our family.

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Brandy
Mom to Andrew
Born Still on December 5, 2010
Naperville, Illinois
 
What can I say? I’ve experienced more heartbreak than I thought was ever conceivable. Ever.
During my entire pregnancy, I read blogs of others who had given birth to babies suffering with seizures, born 3 months early, or died shortly after birth. I’ve read about their coping processes. I felt sorry for them. (I read lots more happy blogs, too, in case you want to call me crazy). I have friends who have had countless miscarriages, continue to struggle with infertility, and have tried everything just to become parents. Never did I actually think this would happen to me. I thought that if my pregnancy were to end, it would end as a miscarriage like my other friends have experienced. I almost expected that. Coming to terms with our tragedy now, perhaps that was a helpful way to lead me in the direction of grieving. I shamefully never knew how to respond to friends who experienced tragedy in forms of miscarriage and actually shied away from them during their grief. Sadly, I sure understand the pain they are enduring now.
 
We both always saw our lives as pretty much perfect and wondered why we had everything. We got pregnant the very first time we tried. Neither of us had ever had a real tragedy or dealt with death in any close way. Sure, we’ve had older family members die. But those family members died generally of a sickness or were much older and had lived a full life. Death is a part of life, but it’s simply not fair to endure it without having experienced life. So, those perfect lives I mentioned we had (successful in school, educated, happily married, own a house, great friends…), well, there will always now be a scar and void in that “perfection” we have.
 
We thought we were in the clear. Throughout the entire pregnancy, there were very few concerns. He always measured smaller (but when he was born, he was at the average size… so that measurement was false), but not a concerning size. He was breech, but the external version had nothing to do with his death. I fell, but on my bottom– again having no impact on our child. We thought that at 38 weeks and 5 days, our perfectly full term baby would be perfect upon birth, even if he were early. I mean… that’s an entire week after full term is generally defined and we passed the mark.

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Saren
Mom to Drake
Born Still on January 31, 2008 at 16 weeks
Coventry, Rhode Island
 
My name is Saren. I live in Coventry, Rhode Island. I lost my son, Drake, at 16 weeks, on January 31, 2008. I found out I was pregnant in early November of 2007, and from the start I was very ill.

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Allyson
Mom to Olivia Grace
Born Prematurely on January 15, 2011
Frisco, Texas

I will never forget my first morning with morning sickness. At first I thought it was the stomach flu, but after a week I decided it was time for a test. It took 8 tests to make me believe I was actually pregnant. I called my boyfriend, who lived hours away at the time, with the news. The excitement started from there.

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Stephanie
Mom to Sebastian, May 2008
Angel, March 2009
and Little Bit, November 2009
Marion, Ohio

My husband and I had spent a year trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant. A trip to the doctors confirmed one of our greatest fears, that we might never conceive. We decided that rather than give in and give up, we’d fight for the one thing we wanted most- to be parents. And so we did.

Months after that appointment, our efforts were rewarded with those beautiful words on a digital home pregnancy test- “Pregnant”. I was so elated, it seemed like fate had aligned. All odds were against that cycle working, but it did.

Of course it had to be too good to be true.

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Tara
Mom to Nicholas John
September 28, 2009 to October 3, 2009
Oakhurst, California

My husband and I found out we were expecting our fourth child in February of 2010. I was very scared about having another child as my hands were pretty full with our other children. Bradley was 7, Emily was 5 & Wesley was 2. I was excited to be giving my other children a new sibling and I was even more excited that my oldest two would know a little more about what was happening to my body.I knew they would be super excited to welcome a new baby to our home! I couldn’t wait and told everyone I knew as soon as I took the test!

My pregnancy was a terrible experience. I was sick my whole pregnancy and my body constantly ached. A lot more pain and discomfort than I’d experienced with my previous pregnancies. I couldn’t wait to have this baby and have my normal body (without the discomfort) back. Early in pregnancy I was told that the baby was small according to my dates and my doctor wanted to run some tests to make sure everything was okay. Everything checked out fine. My due date was October 28th, 2010 and it couldn’t come fast enough!

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Lanie
Mom to Jake and Sawyer
Jake, August 14, 2005 – August 27, 2005
Sawyer, November 17, 2009 – December 26, 2009
Atlanta, Georgia
 
I am a mother of four. Two of my children share a room down the hall from my room. Two of my children share a plot in a cemetery which is fifteen minutes from our home.

“A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his/her parents is called an orphan. But there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that’s how awful the loss is!” (Neugeboren)
 

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Denise
Mom to Addison Marie
Born still on March 20, 2008
Heflin, Alabama

My name is Denise.  I am the face of a stillbirth. I am the mother of an angel named Addison Marie. Addison was born “still” on March 20, 2008 due to a umbilical cord accident in my 9th month of pregnancy. You are loved and missed everyday.

Denise can be contacted at: denisesly@centurylink.net

Nicole
Mom to Remington Derik
Born on June 17, 2010
Grew his wings on June 25, 2010
Salt Lake City, Utah
 
I will never forget the day I took that first positive pregnancy test. January 23, 2010. I was having a few of the usual symptoms.  I was tired, grumpy and a little nauseous at times, my period wasn’t even late yet but I had never felt the way I was feeling before and thought I’d take a pregnancy test.  When it came back negative I’d cross the possibility of being pregnant off the list. I took the test and then sat it on the counter. I was so sure it would be negative I didn’t even think to look at it until after I had already washed my hands. When I looked down I saw two perfectly pink lines. It didn’t even take me two seconds to decide I was excited about it. Maybe everything in my life wasn’t as in order as I had imagined it should be when I got pregnant, but I was growing a little person inside of me and knowing that was the best combination of emotions I have ever felt.

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Tabitha
Mother of Garrison Terrelle
Born Sleeping at 17 weeks 2 days
On December 26, 2010
St. Petersburg, Florida 
 
I am Tabitha Shorter mother to Garrison Terrelle Shorter who was born sleeping December 26, 2010 with my nose and his father’s lips and mouth. Gary and I met the summer 2008 while I was teaching and coaching basketball in South Carolina and we talked a couple of times during the summer. Gary is professional photographer as well as a Networking Engineer so he always had a busy schedule. It was not until November 2008, that he just happened to call me as I was coming home from a basketball game which we had lost miserably. He had decided to end communication previously because we lived in two separate states. I lived in South Carolina and he lived in Georgia, but actually we were not that far away. So, when he called me he told me that he investigated the distance through Google maps and concluded that it was not that far.

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Monthly Writing Challenge

Encourage. Inspire. Connect.

Have a blog? Each month we’ll have a creative topic for you to write about on it. Once you’ve written your post (or found an older post that fits the topic), you’ll be able add your link below and read others who have submitted as well.
 

February’s topic: Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching. Write about something special a friend, family member, or other loved one did for you after your baby(ies) died that really touched your heart.

Don’t have a blog yet, but want to participate in the challenge? Click here for simple instructions on how to start a blog (it’s really easy!)

To submit your blog post, follow the instructions below.

1.  Scroll down and click on the ‘click here to enter’ link at the bottom of this post.
2.  Please make sure the post is about the topic for this month. It can be a blog post that you wrote a month ago or more recently.
3.  Use YOUR blog post.
4.  When linking up, only link to your February topic blog post, not your main blog URL. (incorrect links may be deleted.)
5.  Visit other participants and leave comments.  This is a great way to meet other babyloss mamas!

This Linky Tool will be kept open until February 28th. So please submit before that date!

Laura
Mom to Hannah born July 9, 2010
and Miscarriage at 8 weeks on June 23, 2008
Dubai, United Arab Emirates
 
Ever since I was a little girl – all I spoke about and wanted was to get married and have lots of children. I actually thought I’d ‘settle’ on 5 children but when I met my husband he made it clear he only wanted to have 2 children. Between us we have loads of twins in our family, his father, my mother, my mother had twins, my grandfather is a twin…. Needless to say twins run in the family. So I spoke with certainty, that well – then we’d just have to have 1 child and then twins later, so that we would have 3 children!

 

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Keleen
Mom to Addison Eloise
Born Still on December 5, 2010
Olympia, Washington
 

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Kaila
Mom to Hayden James
January 8th, 2011
Clovis, California
On January 7th, 2011, I learned that I will experience the worst incident anyone could possibly imagine: the loss of their child. I don’t even know what to say about the whole thing except for how it’s not fair. Why does everyone else get to go home with their babies and mine lies asleep forever?


The weekend we welcomed the new year of 2011 was great. I am 21 years old and had been having the “perfect” pregnancy. Beyond healthy, and beyond excited. My husband and I were down south visiting my family for the new year and it was full of joy and laughter. I had noticed that Hayden’s movements were not as often or as “hard” as they had been and began to worry. I shared with my husband my concern and he tried to comfort me telling me he was probably just resting. I assumed I was probably being paranoid, but as Hayden’s movements got slower and slower, my concern grew greater and greater. The morning we were getting ready to head home, I lay in bed praying, God just please make him kick. And he did! Very hard! I was so excited and felt so relieved, but little did I know that would be the last swift kick he would give. He was telling me goodbye and that he was heading off to be with the angels. After that kick, Hayden’s movements were extremely few and far between.

Friday, January 7th, slow turned to stop and I just knew something wasn’t right. I called Dr. Dave’s office on Friday afternoon around 2:00pm and let them know what was happening. They told me to immediately go to labor and delivery at the hospital for a stress test, and told me that everything was probably okay, but to go in just in case. Immediately my heart began racing. I was at work at the time and my boss told me she didn’t think I should drive myself there. Thank goodness for that. My husband was at work and I didn’t want him to worry unless there was a definite cause for it, so I just told him I would call him once at the hospital. My mom picked me up from work and we headed there. My mind told me everything would be fine; but my heart knew otherwise. The second they placed the doppler to my stomach and there was no heartbeat, my entire sense of being disappeared. I just looked around the room for someone to please just help my baby but there was nothing anyone could do; he was gone. They nurses pushed and pressed against my stomach trying and trying to find the heartbeat as I lay there screaming and crying. My mom was just holding me and crying. She went and called my husband and told him to come immediately. I was immediately put into a labor and delivery room where they shut the doors to the nursery because my baby would not be staying in there. I had to listen to the other women and families in the rooms next door crying tears of joy as we cried tears of sorrow.

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Erin
Early Miscarriage at 5 weeks, 5 days
May 2010
Missed Miscarriage at 12 weeks, 4 days
November 2010
Aurora, CO
 
On May 1st, 2010 my husband (Erik) and I found out we were expecting for the second time. Immediately, we told our 2 year old he was going to be a big brother. He knew Mommy had a baby in her tummy. The pregnancy was very different than my first. I didn’t have morning sickness right away and I felt like I was going to have my period at any moment. I wasn’t concerned because I had heard this was a symptom many women feel early in their pregnancies. One night, after we had put our son to bed, Erik and I cuddled up to watch ‘The Time Traveler’s Wife’. I’d never seen it before and didn’t know what to expect. I went to bed that night very emotional. Being newly pregnant, the multiple miscarriages she’d had filled me with worry. I had a sick feeling in my stomach all night.

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Jenn
Mom to Charlie Douglas
Born Still on September 23, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Akron, Ohio
 

Our story began almost 16 years ago. I met my husband when I was 16. He and I remained friends while we went off to college in different states and through several boyfriends/girlfriends. We decided to start dating at the tender age of 22.

We couldn’t stand to be apart, so I moved to be with him 615 miles away from any family and all of my friends. We were married in September of 2003. We decided in November of 2007 to try and have a family.

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Nikki
Mom to Angel Baby “Wrinkle”
Misscarried at 12 Weeks on November 17, 2010
Port Orchard, Washington

I had been feeling lousy for nearly two months and hadn’t had a normal period since August but I stopped nursing my son in July so it didn’t seem too strange ~ it never occurred to me that I could be pregnant given our history of infertility. On October 27, 2010, we decided to take a pregnancy test simply to rule out what we already knew (i.e. that we were not pregnant).

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Tiffany
Mom to Marcus Sammuel Dwight
Born Still on August 31, 2010
Centreville, Virginia
 
“Why are you drinking that coffee drink?” asked my friend Janice, as I was sitting down at my desk for work. “Oh, because I haven’t felt Marcus move this morning so I am trying to give him a jump start. It’s decaf, I just want the cold and sweet to hopefully get him moving!” was my response. After that came the question of when was the last time I felt him move and that is when it hit me. At first I did not panic or think too much about it. I just thought to myself and tried to remember the answer. As I thought really hard, I realized that I had last felt him move the the afternoon of the day before. Again, I did not panic but continued talking to Janice. She came over to me and started poking at my belly to see if she could get Marcus to move. Five minutes go by and nothing. That is when I actually started to worry. Janice gives me a look and says that I should call my doctor.

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Karen
Mom to Simon Maurice
August 16, 2010
O’Fallon, Illinois

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Emily
Missed Miscarriage at 12 weeks
December 2010
Albany, New York


My husband and I were thrilled to be expecting our 2nd child. We had a 6 week scan, which was routine at my OB and saw a strong heartbeat.  Things progressed…I had horrible morning sickness, but told myself it was all worth it.

At 11 weeks, we had an NT scan, and the heart rate was great, the baby measured 11w5d (on target, even a bit ahead.) He/she was not amused at being awakened…started wriggling and often putting its tiny fist to its mouth. The tech said growth looked good, and the results ended up being normal.
We had a great Christmas. On the Monday after Christmas, I had my 12 week OB appointment scheduled. This was exactly 1 week after the NT scan. There had been a horrible snowstorm, and I thought the appointment might be canceled, but it wasn’t. I braved the 45 minute drive on the horrible roads, and got there. When the doctor tried to hear the heartbeat with the Doppler, he couldn’t find it. I laid on the table trying to reassure myself, because they had a hard time finding my son’s heartbeat around the same time of pregnancy, and he’d been fine. The doctor changed the battery out but still couldn’t find it. They said they’d schedule me for an ultrasound at 4pm the next day, a full 24 hours later. He said probably everything was okay, that I might have a tilted uterus. As the nurse was scheduling my ultrasound on the phone, she said, “No fetal heart tones found.” Another pregnant woman walked out and was scheduling her anatomy scan while I tried not to cry.


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