We both always saw our lives as pretty much perfect and wondered why we had everything. We got pregnant the very first time we tried. Neither of us had ever had a real tragedy or dealt with death in any close way. Sure, we’ve had older family members die. But those family members died generally of a sickness or were much older and had lived a full life. Death is a part of life, but it’s simply not fair to endure it without having experienced life. So, those perfect lives I mentioned we had (successful in school, educated, happily married, own a house, great friends…), well, there will always now be a scar and void in that “perfection” we have.
We thought we were in the clear. Throughout the entire pregnancy, there were very few concerns. He always measured smaller (but when he was born, he was at the average size… so that measurement was false), but not a concerning size. He was breech, but the external version had nothing to do with his death. I fell, but on my bottom– again having no impact on our child. We thought that at 38 weeks and 5 days, our perfectly full term baby would be perfect upon birth, even if he were early. I mean… that’s an entire week after full term is generally defined and we passed the mark.
My husband and I had spent a year trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant. A trip to the doctors confirmed one of our greatest fears, that we might never conceive. We decided that rather than give in and give up, we’d fight for the one thing we wanted most- to be parents. And so we did.
Months after that appointment, our efforts were rewarded with those beautiful words on a digital home pregnancy test- “Pregnant”. I was so elated, it seemed like fate had aligned. All odds were against that cycle working, but it did.
Of course it had to be too good to be true.
My husband and I found out we were expecting our fourth child in February of 2010. I was very scared about having another child as my hands were pretty full with our other children. Bradley was 7, Emily was 5 & Wesley was 2. I was excited to be giving my other children a new sibling and I was even more excited that my oldest two would know a little more about what was happening to my body.I knew they would be super excited to welcome a new baby to our home! I couldn’t wait and told everyone I knew as soon as I took the test!
My name is Denise. I am the face of a stillbirth. I am the mother of an angel named Addison Marie. Addison was born “still” on March 20, 2008 due to a umbilical cord accident in my 9th month of pregnancy. You are loved and missed everyday.
Encourage. Inspire. Connect.
Have a blog? Each month we’ll have a creative topic for you to write about on it. Once you’ve written your post (or found an older post that fits the topic), you’ll be able add your link below and read others who have submitted as well.
February’s topic: Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching. Write about something special a friend, family member, or other loved one did for you after your baby(ies) died that really touched your heart.
Don’t have a blog yet, but want to participate in the challenge? Click here for simple instructions on how to start a blog (it’s really easy!)
To submit your blog post, follow the instructions below.
1. Scroll down and click on the ‘click here to enter’ link at the bottom of this post.
2. Please make sure the post is about the topic for this month. It can be a blog post that you wrote a month ago or more recently.
3. Use YOUR blog post.
4. When linking up, only link to your February topic blog post, not your main blog URL. (incorrect links may be deleted.)
5. Visit other participants and leave comments. This is a great way to meet other babyloss mamas!
This Linky Tool will be kept open until February 28th. So please submit before that date!
The weekend we welcomed the new year of 2011 was great. I am 21 years old and had been having the “perfect” pregnancy. Beyond healthy, and beyond excited. My husband and I were down south visiting my family for the new year and it was full of joy and laughter. I had noticed that Hayden’s movements were not as often or as “hard” as they had been and began to worry. I shared with my husband my concern and he tried to comfort me telling me he was probably just resting. I assumed I was probably being paranoid, but as Hayden’s movements got slower and slower, my concern grew greater and greater. The morning we were getting ready to head home, I lay in bed praying, God just please make him kick. And he did! Very hard! I was so excited and felt so relieved, but little did I know that would be the last swift kick he would give. He was telling me goodbye and that he was heading off to be with the angels. After that kick, Hayden’s movements were extremely few and far between.
Friday, January 7th, slow turned to stop and I just knew something wasn’t right. I called Dr. Dave’s office on Friday afternoon around 2:00pm and let them know what was happening. They told me to immediately go to labor and delivery at the hospital for a stress test, and told me that everything was probably okay, but to go in just in case. Immediately my heart began racing. I was at work at the time and my boss told me she didn’t think I should drive myself there. Thank goodness for that. My husband was at work and I didn’t want him to worry unless there was a definite cause for it, so I just told him I would call him once at the hospital. My mom picked me up from work and we headed there. My mind told me everything would be fine; but my heart knew otherwise. The second they placed the doppler to my stomach and there was no heartbeat, my entire sense of being disappeared. I just looked around the room for someone to please just help my baby but there was nothing anyone could do; he was gone. They nurses pushed and pressed against my stomach trying and trying to find the heartbeat as I lay there screaming and crying. My mom was just holding me and crying. She went and called my husband and told him to come immediately. I was immediately put into a labor and delivery room where they shut the doors to the nursery because my baby would not be staying in there. I had to listen to the other women and families in the rooms next door crying tears of joy as we cried tears of sorrow.