Lorrie
Mom to Baby Hooper
Lost July 27th, 2007
South Riding, Virginia
Never in a million years did I think I would have to tell this story-now I feel like it’s my time to let this all out of my heart.

[Read more...]

Luci
Mom to Hope & Grace Klare
Born and Died June 23rd, 2009
We were only three months married when I saw the plus sign on the stick. It was joyful and frightening, but mostly pure elation.  Two months into our pregnancy we were at our first doctor’s appointment and we were awe struck by the news…

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Michelle
Mommy to Liam Joseph
Born still on September 18th, 2010
Lancaster, PA

I have always wanted to be a mom. When we got married in 2006 my husband and I decided to wait until 2010 to have kids. We wanted our relationship to be strong before we added a child to the family. Since I started a new job late in 2009, we decided to wait a few more months so I would have full benefits when the baby was born.

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Michelle
Mama to eight stars: 
January 2006,  April 2006
October 2006,  December 2006
December 2008,  June 2009
October 2009,  October 2010
Des Moines, Iowa

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Jessica
Mom to Logan Timothy
May 16th, 2010 
5:27 p.m. – 6:40 p.m.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
My husband, Tim, and I were married in May of 2005.  Around our 4 year anniversary, we decided we were ready to start our family and assumed it would happen quickly – everyone on either side of our families seems very fertile.  Well, 9 very long months later, we FINALLY conceived our first child.  We were cautious, but SO excited.  I had horrible morning sickness practically all day every day from weeks 6 to 18, but was thrilled – everyone kept assuring us this meant a healthy baby.  At our 20-week ultrasound, we found out we were having a boy.  I have had a name picked out for a boy for a very long time and my husband was neutral on it, but immediately after the tech said “it’s a boy!,” I burst into tears and begged that we name him Logan.  How could my husband say no to his crying pregnant wife?!?!  We also found out that he appeared to be perfectly healthy.  We were thrilled and went off to Baby’s R Us that day to buy him his first outfit and a few books.  We also started our registry.  We finally felt “safe” and that we’d be bringing home our little boy at the beginning of September.

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Story of HOPE
Kathleen ~ Author
Zachary Thomas: miscarried 1995, 
Joshua Caelan: miscarried at 6 weeks 8/98, 
Victoria Elizabeth Noel: miscarried at 6 weeks 12/98, 
Nicholas Sean: born still at 16 weeks, 12/5/2002
We have had three first trimester losses: our oldest son had a twin, and we lost two at 6 weeks when our son was three.  Our son Nicholas was stillborn at 4 months in December of 2002, due to a food born illness. 

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Carrie
Mom to Elena Rebekah
Born and Died August 1st, 2002

The following is a blog entry that I wrote on what would have been Elena’s third birthday.
 
THREE

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Katie
Mom to “Sprout”
Lost on September 22nd, 1993
Columbus, Ohio
I was 18 years old in summer of 1993, soon to be heading away to college on a scholarship. I had broken up with my long-time boyfriend that spring and began dating someone new and fun, a summer fling expected to run its course by autumn.

I somehow knew I was pregnant the day after I conceived. Something felt faintly tingly inside my abdomen and “off” to me, and I remember commenting about it to a coworker at the restaurant where I worked. I tried to put it out of my mind and waited until the first possible cycle day where I could test for pregnancy. I bought a pregnancy test and, optimistically, a box of condoms. I took the test in the store bathroom and shook as I leaned against the stall wall reading the positive result. That evening, I drove to my boyfriend’s house to tell him our news. I was in tears and remember driving past a church with this phrase displayed on its sign: “Hangeth in there.”

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Laci
Mom to Grace Ann, Stillborn August 27th, 2008
and Olivia Thay, August 28th, 2008 – October 4th, 2008
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
After struggling for three years to have a baby, my husband and I turned to in-vitro fertilization (IVF).  It was our only chance at this and since I was told my egg quality wasn’t really that good, my fertility doctor transferred three eggs and gave me a 60% chance of having one baby. Two weeks later I had my blood test. I was pregnant. With very high HCG levels. Possibly more than one baby. Two weeks later was the ultrasound. Triplets. We were shocked but really excited. I always wanted multiples. 
My pregnancy went great. I felt wonderful. I was getting big. I was so happy. At 22 weeks we had our “big” ultrasound. This is the ultrasound we were most looking forward to. We would find out the sexes of our babies. This is the ultrasound that changed our lives.

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Debbie
Mother of Penelope Grace, Griffin James, and Rosalie May
Born November 17th, 2009
Somerville, MA
My husband, Brendan and I met when we were in high school.  We dated through college and got married in October of 2006.  The following December we decided it was time to expand our family of 2.  After a year of trying on our own, we turned to fertility treatments.  We were prepared for this because I was diagnosed with PCOS at age 23.  After a few cycles, we hit the jackpot!  There were 4 sacs, but only 3 had heartbeats.  We were pregnant with triplets!

Naturally, we were nervous about raising three babies.  However, we knew could do it.  We made some sacrifices when we found out.  We moved back to our hometown to be closer to family because we were living an hour away.  We also found a new home for our dog, a great dane named Lucy.  She was a great dog and we loved her, but we were anticipating THREE babies and we didn’t want her to be neglected.

At my 17 week ultrasound, my high risk doctor noticed that my cervix was getting dangerously small.  After an emergency cerclage, I was put on home bed rest.  At follow up appointments however, my cervix continued to shorten.  We all remained optimistic.  I told my family not to cancel the baby shower even though I couldn’t go because that would be like giving up, and we weren’t giving up.  I stayed in the hospital for 5 days on bed rest when my cervix was only millimeters long.  After 5 days of no contractions, I was sent home for bed rest with the hopes of coming back to the hospital when I hit 23 weeks.  I didn’t make it that far.

After just hours of being home in bed, my water broke.  I called my husband who was out filling a prescription for me, he rushed home and drove me to the hospital.  We knew nothing could be done.  The doctor told us over and over, if you go into labor before 23 weeks, we can’t do anything for the babies.  We heard it, but we didn’t process it until we were in that moment.  I was only 20 weeks and 5 days.  We were losing our babies.

After hours of crying and thousands of questions, the inevitable was upon us. 
On November 17, 2009 we delivered our three, precious, beautiful babies.  Penelope Grace, Griffin James and Rosalie May.

They were perfect.  They were our babies.  They made our family of two into a family of five.  Even now, almost exactly a year later, I am overwhelmed with love for them.  


I still don’t know how I made it through that day and the days that followed.  Brendan and I are so lucky to have an amazing support system of family, friends and co-workers.  We know that our angel babies, Penny, Griff and Rosie are so loved.  


We have cried a thousand tears, and I know we will cry some more.  It constantly amazes me how these three precious babies have changed my husband’s life and my life.  They have filled us with enough love to last a lifetime.

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Monthly Writing Challenge


Encourage. Inspire. Connect.

Have a blog? Each month we’ll have a creative topic for you to write about on it. Once you’ve written your post (or found an older post that fits the topic), you’ll be able add your link below and read others who have submitted as well.

November’s topic: It’s easy to focus on all the negative things that come from losing a baby, but have you discovered any ‘blessings in disguise’ throughout your journey? What can you find to be thankful for related to your loss?

Don’t have a blog yet, but want to participate in the challenge? Click here for simple instructions on how to start a blog (it’s really easy!)

To submit your blog post, follow the instructions below.

1.  Scroll down and click on the ‘click here to enter’ link at the bottom of this post.
2.  Please make sure the post is about the topic for this month. It can be a blog post that you wrote a month ago or more recently.
3.  Use YOUR blog post.
4.  When linking up, only link to your November topic blog post, not your main blog URL. (incorrect links may be deleted.)
5.  Visit other participants and leave comments.  This is a great way to meet other babyloss mamas!

This Linky Tool will be kept open until December 20th. So please submit before that date!

 


Angela
Miscarried on January 16th, 2005 at 11 weeks after infertility due to PCOS
West Jefferson, North Carolina

My husband and I were high school sweethearts and were married in July 2000.  After a year of marriage we decided to go off birth control and try for a baby.  We were not discouraged when it did not happen immediately.  We were busy with our careers and enjoying life as husband and wife.  
It wasn’t until over a year later when I began to question why it was taking so long.  We had just moved to a new town, so my first priority was to find a new OBGYN and begin to look into things.  I documented my temperature, did endless labwork,  had my tubes examined for blockages, and even took clomid in attemps to conceive, but to no avail.    After almost a year my OBGYN sent me to an infertility specialist.  I was discouraged but still in the game.  After all, we’d been on this road for almost 4 years now.
 

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Debbie
Mom to four angels
Baby Bennett 1, November 2008, 11 weeks
Baby Bennett 2, October 2009, 5 weeks
Baby Bennett 3, May 2010, 8 weeks
Baby Bennett 4, October 2010, 5 weeks
Hinsdale, New Hampshire
My husband and I had been trying to conceive for sixteen months when we finally got that first positive pregnancy test in early September, 2008.  We knew that starting in my late 30s, it might take a year or longer to conceive, but when the moment finally arrived all the waiting was worth it.  The whole family was elated, as this would be the first grandchild.  Over the next couple of months, we started planning for and dreaming about our new little one.  As we approached the 12 week milestone, we looked forward to a first glimpse of our precious child on ultrasound.  I was relieved that we were almost to the point where miscarriage risk goes down, although I wasn’t really worried.  The second trimester!  I was so excited to know that soon I would be showing.  But it was not to be.

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Danielle
Mom to Zachary Jonathan
Left on October 28th, 2010 at 21 weeks, 6 days gestation
Maryland
On Friday, October 8th, My boyfriend Jon and I went for our first ultrasound appointment. We had just gone to my regular OB for the second pre-natal visit. We listened to our baby’s heartbeat; it was perfectly healthy. Because I found out very late that I was pregnant, this was only the beginning for us. I had been on birth control and did not expect to become pregnant, so I had not been taking vitamins or trying to get myself into “baby-making” shape. But of course once I found out I began right away and got the first appointment available to make sure everything was going well.


Because my second appointment was scheduled for when I was 18 weeks, my doctor referred me to another office to have my first ultrasound. She said if we went right away we might be able to get an appointment for that day. We were so excited! This would be the first time we saw our baby, and I was bouncing up and down in anticipation. We got to the other office at about 11, and they told us we could come back at 12:45. We went out to lunch and then back to the office. Once we were in the room, I laid on the table and the tech put the cold goo on my belly. I was actually so excited, I really didn’t care. And then on the screen on the wall, we saw our son for the first time. She just moved the device back and forth a few times so we could see him, and asked if we wanted to know the sex. We both had decided before hand that we did, and she told us it was a boy. We had been thinking it was a girl (my mothering intuition was off), so looked at each other and he just held my hand and said, “I guess we need to think of other names!” After a few more minutes of awe-inspiring pictures, the tech told me she was having trouble seeing his head because it was so far down. She asked me to turn on my side and face her, but that didn’t make any difference. She then asked me to undress from the waist down so she could try an internal sonogram. I did as I was asked and a few minutes later she came back in and tried again. She still was having trouble. Then she got up, grabbed all of the pictures, told us she’d be right back and left the room. Jon and I began talking about name possibilities for our future son. When the woman came back she told us our baby’s head didn’t look right, and that the radiologist was looking at the pictures and trying to get a hold of my OB. She told us not to worry and then left the room again. I immediately started crying. What was wrong with my baby? His heart rate was perfect and all of his measurements were right where they should be. Jon got up and hugged me and told me not to worry until they figured out what was wrong. I couldn’t help but worry, I was so scared. I had no idea the worst had yet to come.

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Story of HOPE


Jessica ~ Artist 
Riley – Miscarried 2/11/10  
Peyton – Miscarried 8/19/10
Riley was a missed miscarriage at 6 weeks and Peyton was a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks.  In order to work through my grief I began creating art to help others remember their angels.  It has helped me see my children all around me.  Seeing their names brings them further into my life.  This has helped me to process my grief and to understand that hiding my feelings was never going to help me. 

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Story of HOPE


Melissa ~ Angel Bracelets
Baby Montanez 12/05/09
After trying for a year to get pregnant, I was overjoyed to see those double lines in the fall of 2009.  Unfortunately, it was not meant to be: after several ultrasounds, blood work, and waiting, it was confirmed that we had a missed miscarriage in December of 2009.  Since my body wasn’t taking care of it, I took medication to force my body to expel the baby on December 5th, 2009.  I was at a loss after this happened, as I never thought it could happen to me (that’s what everyone says, right?).  

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Story of HOPE
Melinda ~ Social Network 
Support for Loss
Angel Baby – Due January 28, 2011
I suffered a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks.  And in order to work through my grief, I created a support group on Facebook.  It has helped, by allowing me to express my feelings and to know that I am not alone.

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Mary
Mom to Addison Breann
Born still on August 27, 2010
Berryville, Virginia
 

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Amber
Mom to Eli David Roseberry
Stillborn on June 17th, 2010
Olive Hill, Kentucky
The whole day on Wednesday, June 16th, Eli made little movement. I wasn’t too concerned because I was 36 weeks pregnant with my second baby and this was the first time I had made it this far, I thought this was ”normal” for this gestation. At 10:45 that night I felt him push his little butt up against the right side of my ribs. I assumed everything was alright even though I couldn’t hear his heartbeat with the doppler (it picked up too much static). At that point I decided to take a shower and go to bed. At 11pm while going to the bathroom, I felt a pop and assumed my water had broken. When I looked down I was gushing blood and I knew something was wrong.
 
I got dressed and we headed straight to the hospital. I called labor and delievery with en route to let them know what had happened so they would be prepared once we got there. Once at the hospital I had several nurses in my room getting me hooked up and set up with IVs and blood work. One nurse tried to find his heartbeat with the monitor while another prepped me for a c-section. I knew something was wrong when after five minutes she couldn’t find it. They then tried the dopplar and an ultrasound, the whole time not saying anything, except to call Dr. Dotson. The ultrasound technician from downstairs came up and did another ultrasound and then Dr. Dotson arrived, sat on my bedside and watch the ultrasound. He put his hand on my leg, looked at me and said “I’m so sorry, we’ve lost his heartbeat.” My whole world crashed around me. I had made it 36 weeks with a healthy baby, felt him move 15 minutes before the blood came, and now he was gone. That was at 12am on Thursday morning.

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Pam
Mommy to Gavin James
Born and became an Angel on March 24th, 2008
Dallas, Texas
I have always heard you never experience a greater love for another human being until you experience the feeling of carrying a child inside of you. In my case, that joy was great but the grief that came all too soon overshadowed any joy I had. 

[Read more...]

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