Dana
Mom to Wyatt Jaxson
Born November  26th, 2009
Grew his wings on December 20th, 2009
Vancouver, B.C. Canada
It all began at my cousins wedding; My sister in law was about 20 weeks pregnant and showing beautifully. My Fiancée Tyler immediately fell in love with her growing belly and seemed to cater to her every need that night. It didn’t come to much shock when he said that next day that he was ready to be a dad. Three weeks later, sure enough I saw those two pink lines. We were ecstatic!! 

Everything seemed great for the first few weeks, we were a bit curious as to why I was already showing but everything else seemed “normal”. I was super tiered but didn’t have many other symptoms. I hit the 7 week mark and the morning sickness kicked in to high gear. I was throwing up everyday all day. We had our first ultrasound scheduled at 8 weeks. Excited and a bit nervous I went with the technician while Tyler was told to wait outside. The technician put the wand over my belly looked up and said “TWINS” while holding up two fingers. I didn’t believe him. I’ve always dreamed of having twins but never thought it would actually happen to me. I made him show me then I just kept asking him if he was sure. This being my first ultrasound ever, of course I drank way too much water!! I was asked to go use the washroom while he grabbed Tyler. I remember feeling like my legs were jelly and I just looked in the mirror in shock. I felt like I had just won the lottery. During the ultrasound the technician told us it was the best case scenario for twins. They both had their own sacs and more importantly their own placentas so their was no risk of twin to twin transfusion. We were both amazed and excited but most of all in shock.
I had to stop work at 12 weeks as I couldn’t go more than a few hours without racing to the bathroom to throw up. I had never felt so miserable in my life, I was just so sick and it wasn’t letting up. Looking back I wish I could have enjoyed my time being pregnant. I was basically bed ridden for my entire pregnancy, not because I was told to just because that was the only thing my body would physically allow. 
At 24 weeks my parents had come in to town to spend the night and come with us to our 3D ultrasound we had scheduled for the following morning to find out the sex of the babies. I was miserable that day, just so uncomfortable. At dinner I just seemed so bloated and full but had barely touched my meal. Then I noticed my belly started to get tight. I showed my mom and she thought they were braxton hicks contractions. They continued through the evening so we began to time them. We were up to ten in an hour so my mom decided to call the hospital. Of course they told us to come in but we all thought they would just send us right back home. The exact opposite happened. After being checked and told that I was 3 cm dilated and baby “a” was very low on fluid I was rushed to the womens hospital were they have a level 3 nicu. Most of that night is a blur, I remember getting sick, being told the survival rate for my babies and being given the option for them to try and save them or just let them pass. We were all heartbroken. The night progressed and the labour did not. The contractions continued but I never went into full labor. I am pretty sure it was the next morning that we were diagnosed with twin to twin transfusion and were told we were having identical twin boys. We were not eligible for the only surgery to stop the TTTS because of my contractions and dilation. I had fluid drained from baby “b” but that’s all they could do to help get me to their goal of 28 weeks. 
I remained in the hospital for the next few weeks. My contractions continued and I remained about 3 cm dilated, but both babies looked stable and I was still at stage 1 with the TTTS. I felt pretty good about their decision to send me home and felt very confident that we were ALL going to make it through this nightmare. At 28 weeks and 2 days I had dilated to 4 cm and they didn’t feel comfortable about sending me home from my appointment, I was once again admitted. My water broke that night an hour after I fell asleep. I was so thankful to be were I was. 
28 weeks we made it to 28 weeks, That was the goal and we did it. I delivered baby “a” (donor) Wyatt Jaxson 2 lbs5oz at 9:59 am and baby “b” (recipient) Ryder Paxton 2lbs12oz at 10:06 am.  They rushed Wyatt away as soon as they had him stable, I wasn’t even able to see him first. They let me give Ryder a kiss and then again he was rushed away. I felt a sense of relief as they were both in good hands and I had done all I could. After multiple blood transfusions for Wyatt and blood extractions from Ryder both boys were stable and seemed more or less to be doing good. Wyatt even shocked us all and was breathing all on his own on his second day of life. Sadly that joy was short lived when he took a turn and crashed later that evening.
Wyatt soon entered the world of MRI’s lumbar punctures, seizures, and way too many drugs to remember. Slow and steadily Ryder continued to get stronger everyday but Wyatt seemed to be doing the exact opposite. We sat helplessly and watched as our baby got sicker and sicker. We saw many different specialists and no one had any answers for us. One hit after another, Wyatt’s kidneys eventually started to shut down. He had almost doubled his birth weight with fluid. He was so swollen that he couldn’t move at all, his eyes were swollen shut and even his tiny ears had almost doubled in size.  I would sit by his incubator for hours just praying to see some pee in his catheter tube.
On Wyatt’s 23rd day of life he had been given every diaretic possible, some in almost lethal amounts and still nothing was working. His kidneys had now completely shut down. He was on 100% oxygen and really there was nothing more anyone could do.  I saw all hope disintegrate in our doctors eyes. She couldn’t give us a time frame of how long he would live but it was no longer a question that our baby was going to die. That night we had both boys baptized and my husband and I were able to hold Wyatt for the first time. We were set up in a private room in the nicu and took turns holding Wyatt through the whole night. I was going on almost 48 hours with only a few hours sleep but there was no way I was going to miss out on any part of my sons life. The nurses and doctors were amazing; they brought a fold out bed into the tiny room in the nicu so I could sleep with Wyatt in my arms through the night. I didn’t sleep much but it was so special to be able to cuddle him and make sure he knew how beautiful and perfect he was. The following morning we made the hardest decisions of our lives. Wyatt was extubated in my arms with my husband, my mother and father by our side. We told him over and over how proud we were and how much we loved him. He had been such a brave boy for us and now he needed to rest. We truly feel he left knowing he was the most special baby in the whole world.
At almost ten months later I am still so lost and confused at how the first ultrasound technician could make such a huge mistake and see two placentas when really there was only one. Maybe we could have caught the TTTS earlier if we knew what we were working with. So many “what if’s” run through my head each and every day. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my angel and wish so hard that he could be here with us growing side by side with his identical twin brother. I do feel so blessed to have met Wyatt, he made me love harder and proved to me that there is so much more than this life here on earth. 
~Until we meet again sweet baby~ 
You can contact Dana at d-mcintyre@live.com

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Comments

  1. Their are not a ton of people that fully understand what it is like to raise one child while they grieve the loss of another. I had identical twins that were born at 28 weeks due to me having severe HELLP Syndrome. We lost Madison at 5 months 2 days old because she was born with a Left Sided Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia. She spent her whole life in the NICU. The girls also had Twin To Twin Transfusion Syndrome. The tech at my first ultrasound told me they were fraternal because they had 2 sacs. The peri told us at 24 weeks they were identical. McKenzie is now 3 and has no side affects from being born 12 weeks premature. I have worked through a ton but still find myself wondering what two three year old's would be like and how much they would look alike. HUGS!

    Laura
    Mom to McKenzie and Angel Madison

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