Baby 1- Ectopic Miscarriage at 10 weeks, Death March 16th, 2010
Baby 2- Ectopic Miscarriage at 10 weeks, Death June 9th, 2010
Before I start I was told I would never be able to carry babies because at 16 I had cervical dysplasia and they had to cut off some of my cervix, which is why my kids are preemies.
Adding to the stress was the fact that I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to carry to term. My mom and both grandmothers suffered multiple miscarriages and infant losses. I don’t know if it’s genetic or not but I was always afraid it was going to happen to me too. August 23rd was the worst day of my life. I was getting ready to leave for my first doctor’s appointment of the pregnancy when I started feeling bad cramps. I had had some cramping before this but this time I also had a lower backache that wouldn’t go away. I went into the bathroom and saw blood on the tissue. It was bright red. I started hyperventilating and just sank to the floor and rocked back and forth praying that everything was okay. I knew it wasn’t. I eventually got up, called my mother to come with me to the doctor’s and somehow made it out the door. At the doctor’s office I was holding back tears as the nurse took my history. The doctor finally came in and did an exam, she said that it was likely that I was miscarrying but they were going to run a blood test to check my hormone levels. She said she would call me within the next two hours. My mom and I left the doctors and drove home; stopping at the grocery store for some soup and chocolate. As I was walking back to the car after the store my phone rang. I answered and it was the doctor who told me my hormone levels had dropped, I was miscarrying. I just started crying and crying. My mother drove me home and I laid on the couch, bleeding and crying for the rest of the day.
A mother to five beautiful boys.
Through being pregnant I had no morning sickness at all just HUGE cravings of chocolate cake, YUM!
I didn’t really enjoy being pregnant towards the end as my bump was rather big. I couldn’t sleep properly, was always narky with family and felt I was on my own.
I had my first official OBGYN appointment at 8 weeks, 6 days. I was excited for the ultrasound. To see that little heartbeat. When we got to the office they took us back to the ultrasound room. It was the probe ultrasound, which is vaginally. As soon as the tech put the probe in, I knew something was wrong. I could see nothing. No sack, no baby, nothing. Just white. Like a snowstorm. That’s when the tech started asking questions. Were my periods regular? Had I had any bleeding. She then told me what I knew already, that there was no baby.
I found out in December that I was pregnant and we were thrilled. The 12 weeks we had to wait to tell anyone were a bit nerve wracking and I tried not to get emotionally attached to the baby so as to protect myself in case of miscarriage. I felt like I started showing right away and I was so excited to finally tell people “No, I’m not getting fat, I’m pregnant!” Once past 12 weeks, it seemed we were home free. We were going to have a baby. The ultrasound tech and I watched as she moved around, her little heart beating perfectly. Even at that stage, I could make out her body quite clearly. “I could watch them for hours, they are so cute and wonderful,” I remember the tech saying to me. “So could I,” I told her. I breathed a sigh of relief.
9 week loss July 1999
4 week loss January 2000
Complete Molar Pregnancy April 2000
My results came back high risk for down syndrome (1:207) and open neural tube defect (1:297), and referred to a high risk doctor. Although I couldn’t help but panic when I received these results, there was still a very low probability that our baby had either one. We had our appointment with the specialist and level II sonogram scheduled for the first week in May. We were so excited to get to see our baby again, and hopefully find out what we were having. The level II sonogram showed a very healthy baby girl!! The doctor did not see any other markers for down syndrome and ruled out any possible open neural tube defect…what a relief! However, she did notice the baby was measuring 10 days smaller than normal for her gestational period of 18 weeks. My doctor did not seem concerned about it yet, and just said we would monitor the baby and hold off on changing the due date. When I got home later that day, I really started to become concerned. I was exact with all my dates as far as my last menstrual period and when I took my home pregnancy so there was no way we could push out my due date. I had come to the realization that she was indeed measuring smaller. I had comfort in knowing that my regular 20 week anatomy scan ultrasound was coming up in two weeks and hopefully she would grow some more. Heading into my 19th week, I started noticing I hadn’t felt her move in a couple days. I still wasn’t feeling her move consistently yet (just the flutters and butterfly’s) so I wasn’t too alarmed. I decided to get out my doppler to check her heartbeat and then everything would be fine… or so I thought. I couldn’t find it right away, or ever again for that matter. As I headed into my 20 week appointment I was still hoping for the best, but had this feeling that something was not right. Then on May 24, 2010 as I lay on the table, I hear the doctor utter the most painful-earth stopped moving-dagger in my heart words I have ever heard, “There is no heartbeat.”
We had just found out the sex of our 2nd child when we had our 17 week ultrasound. A little girl. Then, I began to have some bleeding a few weeks later and at the ultrasound when Zoe was 20 weeks, her heart had already stopped beating. We chose to be induced and had to wait several days for the hospital to do the induction. I carried her for 1 week and then was induced & delivered her body.