Mom to Clark Douglas
Stillborn on July 10, 2008
Apple Valley, CA
My husband and I were blessed with two boys in 2001 and 2002. As they grew and entered school I knew our family wasn’t complete and after talking to our boys about how they’d feel with a little brother or sister, my husband and I started trying to add a third baby to our family.

I got pregnant very quickly, actually on our first cycle trying. I’d had very textbook pregnancies with my first two and expected everything to be the same the third time around. One afternoon we were visiting a friend and I felt a little gush. I went to the bathroom and noticed I was bleeding bright red blood. Being only 5 weeks, 6 days pregnant I was very scared that I was miscarrying. I prayed all the way to the hospital, which was an hour away. I remember repeating, “God, please hold this baby in your arms and keep him safe so I can hold him in my arms forever”

At the ER, they were only able to confirm that I was pregnant and that my beta matched my dates according to my last period. They did an ultrasound but were only able to see a gestational sac, yolk sac and fetal pole. I returned to my regular OB 4 days later and they told me the radiologist had noted a small subchorionic hemorrhage which is what had caused the bleeding. I was reassured that they are very common and very benign. They did another ultrasound and we saw a very faint flicker of a heartbeat. I was so relieved that everything seemed to be looking better. On top of the good report from the doctors, my bleeding had slowed to brown spotting.

The bleeding stopped and everything seemed normal for about 9 days. I was scheduled for a follow up ultrasound and I started bleeding on my way to the doctors office. I was once again terrified I would receive bad news but the ultrasound tech confirmed that our baby was still alive and took measurements of the SCH. Again, I was reassured that they are very common and almost always resolve by the end of the first trimester.

This time, the bleeding didn’t stop. From that point on I had bouts of heavy red bleeding with light bleeding in between. At 12 weeks I started getting crampy so I was placed on modified bed rest. At 14 weeks the cramps were getting worse so full bedrest was ordered.

At 18w3d I had heavy bleeding and contractions. I drove myself to the ER because I was home alone but by the time I got there, the contractions had stopped so I was sent home. I contracted every day from this point on. I’d have periods of contractions 3 minutes apart for up to 4 hours at a time but they were non-productive and always stopped on their own.

At 19 weeks my OB decided to start progesterone injections based on the effect they have on calming the uterus. Unfortunately we had to await insurance approval for these injections. At 19w3d, a friend was visiting and I started contracting heavily. I had decided to go to labor and delivery and as I sat up to get ready to go, I felt intense pressure in my abdomen. When I stood up, I passed approximately 30 lemon sized blood clots. My friend drove me to the nearest ER and they took me back right away. They did an ultrasound and our son was still alive but they were afraid my water had broken. The labor and delivery department refused to examine me because I was not at 20 weeks yet and after refusing an internal exam, the ER doctor sent me home.

I followed up with my OB the next day who did another ultrasound and told me my amniotic sac was still intact and that, in his opinion, this was the hematomas “last hurrah” and his exact words at that time were “I feel your chances of a loss now are very low.”

I went home feeling somewhat relieved. At 19w6d, I started contracting again. By the time I got to the hospital, I was 7cm dilated and my water had broken. My son had already passed away due to blood loss from a full abruption. He was delivered at 20 weeks. July 10, 2008. Clark Douglas weighed 8oz and was 8 inches long.

We miss our son every day. We have since been blessed with a beautiful daughter but our family will never be complete. There will always be a little boy missing.

You can contact her at

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Show Your Support


© 2011 Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope | PO Box 26131 | Minneapolis, MN 55426 | Contact Us