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Jeanine

Mom to Diana Hope

June 13, 2017

West Babylon, New York

I want to tell you all a story about a girl named Diana.

I delivered my stillborn beautiful baby girl, Diana Hope on June 13, 2017 at 8:10 pm. She was 4 lbs, 1 oz, 18 inches long. She had dark hair and eyes, just like her dad, Gaetano. He says she looked like me and that makes me happy. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/09/8536.html

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Brittany

Mom to Aulbrey Lynn Myers and Two Other Angels

Born Sleeping on May 28, 2017, March 27, 2016 and December 26, 2016

Graham, North Carolina

After 2 early pregnancy losses within a few months, I became pregnant again with high hopes. In February 2017, my husband and I were so scared but blessed and so excited at the same time to finally have the luxury of being parents. At my first appointment, I was 6 weeks pregnant. I was so terrified waiting on the doctor to come in to do my ultrasound. After having such bad luck with my other 2 pregnancies (one chemical and one blighted ovum), I was so full of hope. [I was] praying continuously for a heartbeat. I saw the flicker before my doctor could even measure the baby’s heart beat. I began to cry with joy.

We were so happy. Her heartbeat was 109 bpm, strong and healthy! I went in routinely as this was a high risk pregnancy because of the recurrent losses I’ve suffered. Everything was perfect. At 7 weeks, my baby was able to move around (couldn’t feel her yet) but we could see it on the screen at every appointment; she was very active. No problems at all. She grew fast. I had severe morning sickness up until I was 12 weeks. I went in for my NT scan. She was wiggling everywhere. She wouldn’t sit still for the scan, lol. My perfect active baby! I was so happy, happier than I’d ever been. I also had bloodwork done to check the baby for genetic defects, down syndrome and to find out the gender. The scan came back at 14 weeks, negative for any defects and I was told we were expecting a healthy and happy BABY GIRL!!! I was over the moon excited. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/09/8530.html

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Shameema

Mom to Ayden

June 2, 2016 – July 1, 2016

Hyderabad, India

When I conceived, we’d been married for seven-and-a-half years. We didn’t want to have kids all these years. We wanted to plan it, we wanted to be financially stable, we wanted to prepare. We weren’t spared at all by family for this decision of ours. “So when are you having a baby?” “Why don’t you have kids?” “Your cousins and friends younger to you have 2 kids.” The list goes on. Needless to say, it was very uncomfortable. But, we knew – if we wanted a baby & when we wanted.

We had our moments – happy, sad, bad. We had our little friendly fights, arguments, I-hate-yous and I-love-yous. We celebrated our birthdays and anniversaries. Had dinner watching Two and a Half Men & The Big Bang Theory. We fought over wet towels on the bed and used coffee mugs at the dressing table.

Finally, on a pleasant Sunday morning of October 2015, we found out I was pregnant. Both our parents were going to have their first grandchild. Our siblings were going to have their first niece/nephew.

Nervous, excited and multiple other feelings. We made memories every day. We took pictures of my bump progression every month. We looked forward to the ultrasounds. Pregnancy was the happiest I have been. That was the happiest we have been as a couple.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/08/8526.html

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Heidi

Mom to Avery Rose, Everett James and Elliot William

Miscarried January 19, 2016, August 8, 2016 and Born May 29, 2017 and Died June 3, 2017

Aurora, Colorado

I completely believed we’d bring Elliot home.

I think that’s what strikes me now, on his due date, a little over two months after losing him. There is this stark contrast between what I fully believed and expected would happen, and what has actually happened. And my mind and heart cannot fully accept that Elliot will never be coming home.

This is not only the story about losing my Elliot, but about losing my faith. I tried at first to write this story without the faith aspect, but it’s impossible. I am grieving and grappling with two losses: the loss of my perfect baby boy, and the loss of the God I thought would protect him.

I will never have Elliot back in this life. But I have whispers of hope in my heart that someday faith will be a part of me again. Perhaps it is still, manifested in the anger and disappointment and confusion I feel toward God. I just don’t understand. And I can’t tell the real version of my story without sharing everything. Perhaps when I share this story in a year or five years or ten years, there will be something beautiful to share about how God met me here and healed me. But today, only two months later, there is just love and loss.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/08/8518.html

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Chelsey 

Mother to Three Blessings

Grand Rapids, Michigan

Most people who know me know I’ve had a miscarriage. What they don’t know is I’ve actually had what some people call two “chemical pregnancies” and an eight week miscarriage. Call them what you like but to me they are all my pregnancies, my babies. My first two losses left me confused and lonely. I kept them to myself and buried them down where I thought I couldn’t feel them. I didn’t feel like I was allowed to mourn because they had been so early and the doctor had even classified them as “spontaneous abortions”. Even typing that phrase out makes my stomach turn. They were my babies and nothing less. But that’s what I did. I hid them and suffered in silence for every day after. My third loss broke me and I grieved them all all at once. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/07/8507.html

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Jessi

Mom to Olivia Lynn

April 23, 2017

Cape Coral, Florida

Olivia was our first child. It took us over a year to get pregnant with her. We were seeing a fertility specialist and everything came out negative except for that I had several fibroids. He had actually told me that was probably why I hadn’t gotten pregnant but he could not be sure, but that this could cause me to lose a baby if I got pregnant. He recommended I have a big surgery similar to a c-section to have them removed. He told us not to get pregnant. Well, we stopped trying and got pregnant. He followed us with ultrasounds until my first OB appointment.

Fast forward, the pregnancy was completely normal. I felt great during it. We found out her gender at 19 weeks and everything was normal, although we didn’t get a picture of her face because she was facing my back. We couldn’t see her heart either. The next week or so I started cramping, which they said was normal. They said it was ligament pain or me working too hard (I’m a nurse). They decided to bring me in to check it out. I felt her kick for the first time the night before my appointment and I was so excited it was more than [just] flutters. I also had my home doppler and listened to her that night too. I was leaving and I told me husband to stay home because It was a simple appointment.

When I went in the doctor’s office, they had the doppler out and searched and said, “Huh, she must just be laying in a funny position.” I then texted my husband to come up to the office. The OB then took me over to the ultrasound room and looked and was so confused. He kept saying, “This just doesn’t happen. You’re so far along and this is so rare.” He apologized to me and told me he couldn’t find a heartbeat and wanted me to go into the ultrasound tech’s room. She pulled me in and we could see our little one on the screen but there was no noise and no flickering of a heartbeat. She asked if my husband was coming. I told her he was. She had me stand up and apologized and let me cry on her shoulder.

I was brought back to the exam room. I called my mom on her cell phone (she’s a teacher) and I told her, and she left school to meet me up there. I immediately felt numb and like everything I had pictured and planned came crashing to a halt. My husband arrived and I just cried and tried to explain. Both of us were in such shock. My mom then arrived and hugged both of us. I lost it even more. The OB then came in to give me my options of what the next steps were, and that we could wait a few days if we wanted. I didn’t really know what to say other than I couldn’t have her stay In my belly any longer.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/07/8503.html

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Yolandé

Mom to Ivy Kathryn

June 1, 2017

South Africa

I had visited my cousin’s for the weekend. I came back on the Monday. The Tuesday I noticed she wasn’t moving and told my midwife that I hadn’t felt her or rather can’t remember when last I felt her. I had started before then to do a kicking chart and did it that night also, as my midwife instructed. I did everything. Drank juice, lied down on my left side. I rested. I moved, tried to feel her, talked to her. Deep down I knew something was wrong. I made an appointment with my general practitioner who I’ve come to trust although I planned on doing water birth with a midwife.

My partner did not go in with me. I later saw messages on his phone that he told his mother that he was so stressed for the doctor’s appointment but that he chose to not go in with me and should it not be good news, he wouldn’t know how to deal with it. It’s these little details one never forgets. The image of her in my womb, dead. Lifeless, my body had failed me. How she felt when she died. Did she feel? These thoughts haunt me, daily. 

During my pregnancy, I was fairly stressed. The worry of another child, how we must prepare, how we must prepare our 16-month-old baby boy for his sister got to me and my relationship. Still, my partner stayed. I try to believe and accept that it wasn’t her time and that it is not my fault. Heaven needs her more.

I went into the doctor’s room. I started the consultation by asking the doctor for something for depression or something to calm my nerves and broke down, as I have always felt ashamed to ask for help, emotionally. As if this makes me a weaker person. He said [it was] no problem and then I mentioned that why I was actually there was because I couldn’t remember when I last felt her moving. It did not quite register that there was no heartbeat and that he was looking at my placenta and that there was a tear right there. I was waiting for him to tell me everything is fine, just take it easy and go home, start your anti-depressants. Ivy is fine.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/06/8496.html

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Evelyn

Mom to Enzo

February 21, 2017

Bicknell, Indiana

Finding out I was pregnant was a shock, we weren’t trying and I was 100% convinced that I wasn’t pregnant. I had been sick for awhile but everyone in my house had been passing something back and forth.I had already gotten a negative a test, I only took a second one so I could show it to my doctor at my appointment and rule out pregnancy. That second? It came up positive fast and so dark. You’re suppose to wait two minutes for the results but I had it in two seconds. 

http://facesofloss.com/2017/06/8475.html

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Heather
Mom to Maggie Lee
May 16, 2017
Meadowview, VA

My husband and I had only been married for 4 months when we found out we were pregnant. We couldn’t have been more thrilled. We were both a little older, I was 32 and he was 37 and we didn’t want to wait too long to start our family. I had the most amazing pregnancy from the start. I had no morning sickness and everything went just like it should. We went for our 20 week anatom scan and were very excited to learn that we were having a girl! All my dreams were coming true! Everything looked good with the ultrasound, no problems. The rest of my pregnancy went like the first half. Other than some crazy heartburn and going to the bathroom every 30 minutes, it was perfect.  [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/06/8464.html

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Raquel

Mom to Miche and Jephthah

November 15, 2015 and April 29, 2016

Miami, Florida

My husband and I got married in September of 2014. He named his first child long before I was even pregnant — Micheline if the baby was a girl and Michel if the baby was a boy. In June of 2015, I had a Myomectomy to remove a fibroid that was blocking implantation, and in September (on our one-year anniversary) I was pregnant! At my first ultrasound appointment, my mother and I heard my baby’s heartbeat for the first time. It was so exciting!  
     
At the next appointment, however, the doctor asked, “Did we get a heartbeat the last time?” I couldn’t believe he had asked that. His next words were, “The baby stopped growing at 7 weeks. There’s no heartbeat. I’m sorry.” We named our first baby Miche as we didn’t know the sex.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/04/8454.html

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Elisha

Mom to Baby Angel Cortez

November 3, 2006

Kitchener, Ontario, Canada

I am the face. I am 1 in 4. At 17 years of age, my world was turned upside down; I found out I was pregnant. At such a young age I was scared but still excited that I was going to be a mom.

Nothing could have prepared me for what was to come. When I was 20 weeks pregnant I went for my first ultrasound ever. I found out I was having a boy and was over the moon ecstatic. The next day I received a call from my doctor asking me to come in as soon as possible. Once there, my doctor informed me that the ultrasound had shown some defects and he wanted to send me to a more advanced hospital in a different city. A few weeks later I went to do the testing at the more advanced hospital. That was the day I was informed that my baby wasn’t going to live and if he did live, he wasn’t going to live long.

I was scheduled to come back and have amniotic fluid taken out to rule out chromosome defects. That was traumatic on its own. At 31 weeks pregnant, I didn’t feel my son move at all one day. I called my doctor and he told me to go to the hospital immediately. Once in triage, they couldn’t find my son’s heart beat. They scheduled me to go down for an ultrasound but I knew God had taken my son back to heaven. I went down to the ultrasound room and stared at the screen, a still heart on the screen. I was induced to deliver my son stillborn that night. On November 3rd, 2006 my baby boy Angel Cortez came into this world silent, but beautiful. Still loved, still missed, still remembered. Stillborn but Still Born. 
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/04/8450.html

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Jenny

Mom to Baby R and River Beth

December 28, 2015 and December 22, 2016

Spokane, Washington

We were so excited to finally be pregnant after almost 6 months of trying. It was November 27, 2015, the day after Thanksgiving, when that pregnancy test showed a positive line. I blurted it out to my best friend because I couldn’t hold the excitement. My mother-in-law met me at my office and I gave her a card that had the news on it. I had been planning the announcements for months, waiting for that positive test. We drove to Babies R Us so that I could find the perfect onesie to announce to my husband that we were finally going to have a baby.

Our first ultrasound at 6 weeks was perfect. We told my sister-in-law, the grandparents, the cousins and some of our friends. We celebrated Christmas full of glee and opened presents for Baby R.

At 8 weeks, 3 days after Christmas, my in-laws went with us to the ultrasound. I will never forget the words, “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat.”

That was the first time our world was shattered. My doctor ran dozens of tests. We already knew I had endometriosis, a bicornuate uterus, and low progesterone. What we didn’t know was that my endometriosis was stage 3 and everywhere. Or to the extent my uterus was bicornuate. With my bleeding disorder I couldn’t miscarry at home due to risk of bleeding out. The D&C was scheduled for three days after the news of losing our first child.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/04/8447.html

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Eileen

Mom to Paul Raymond and 6 Miscarried Babies

January 9 – 19, 2017
2009-2015

West Seneca, New York

My journey to becoming a mom started in October 2008. My husband and I were married for 2 years and he was just finishing college, so we thought we were in a good place to start a family. Little did we know, we were starting on an incredibly long and sometimes painful journey.

I got pregnant with our first right away. We were ecstatic and told everyone right away. Our first ultrasound showed a heartbeat and a little bean. I couldn’t believe I was finally going to be a mom, something I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. I was 34 years old and it was right before Christmas. But something was off; the baby was measuring a week and more behind. The doctor was sure my dates were off, but since I had been planning and following everything so closely, I knew my dates were right. However, I was naïve enough not to realize there was a big problem. The following February, I started bleeding and we found, at 12 weeks, that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. And so began our journey of struggling to become parents. I lost another baby at 7 weeks that June, the day after seeing a heartbeat. That baby, too, was measuring way behind.

It took an entire year for me to get pregnant again. I had gone to a reproductive endocrinologist who diagnosed me with a clotting disorder (elevated PAI-1) and told me the next time I got pregnant, that I’d be put on heparin. After multiple rounds on Femara, I finally fell pregnant in July 2010 with our beautiful, healthy daughter, who was born in March 2011. After my daughter was born, I was content to be one and done. My husband wanted a second child, but I was worried we were pushing our luck. I was getting older, my mother had had multiple losses, including a stillbirth, and I just didn’t want to take a chance. Once my daughter turned 3 though, I changed my mind, and was ready to try again. What followed were four miscarriages (2 early, 2 mid-to-end first trimester) over two years and then finally, a rainbow, in May of 2016.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/04/8444.html

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Kelly Kittel

Mom to Noah Patrick, Jonah Emmanuel and 6 Siblings

May 18, 1996 – August 10, 1997 and May 14, 1998

Portsmouth, Rhode Island

Andy kissed me awake early. I drew in my breath, realizing my contractions were getting more uncomfortable. “I hope these are working,” I said. “That nurse better check my dilation today, or you’ll have to.”

“Gladly,” he said, grinning.

Easing out of bed, I followed him to the kitchen. After months of bed rest, waiting and worrying, I was ready to have this baby. “Have a great day,” I said, kissing Hannah and Christiana. “Maybe today we’ll have a baby.” For the first time in ages, I watched them skip off to school. The sun reflected off their blond hair and the dew in the grass, the spring air sparkling with new growth and possibility.

Andy and I headed back down the hall—I to shower, he to dress Micah—and soon I heard them arguing. “Pleeeeze, you only have to wear them for an hour.” Micah skipped in, dressed in the corduroy pants he hated. “See, Mom? They swish when I move. Are you coming to my music?”

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/04/8433.html

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Jackie

Mom to Luke Patrick

January 27, 2017

Ontario, Canada

When I was ten weeks pregnant, I began to bleed. I didn’t know what to do, so I went to the ER. I happen to be an Emergency Room RN, and I trust my co-workers with my life, so where else would I go but my ER. That was how most people found out I was pregnant. Not the most ideal way to tell people, but nothing about my pregnancy was ideal. Luke’s heart beat was 170 bpm at 10 weeks, they had no explanation for the bleeding and he continued to thrive. I had many trips planned before I found out I was pregnant, so Luke traveled to Las Vegas twice, Wisconsin and Hawaii all within the first 3 months he was conceived.

I had horrible morning sickness all the way up to 20 weeks of pregnancy. Even up to the point of delivering Luke, I was throwing up. And the heartburn. I never knew heartburn could cause you to throw up until being pregnant. I was also having horrible rib pain. We were sent to a perinatologist after they found Luke’s kidney was slightly enlarged. They told us he had cyst on the back of his neck, and his kidney was measuring 4.5 and it should be less than 4. They asked to perform an amniocentesis. I refused. No matter what was wrong, I was going to have Luke, and I was going to love him regardless. They did blood tests, eventually everything came back negative on the genetic aspect. Scheduled an echo, all came back good. We were told that they would have more information at 30 weeks, and that appointment was scheduled.

I went in for my scheduled OB appointment at 27 weeks. I was miserable. My ribs were killing me. I had to pee literally every 15 minutes. My OB offered to take me off work but I wanted to keep working for a few more weeks. That night, I lost part of my mucous plug. Researched it online and saw a lot of people had this happen, it could be normal. I wasn’t able to sleep much that night, woke up at 7 am with period-like cramps. Took some Tylenol, was able to sleep for 3 hours. My friends urged me to call my OB. I told you, I am a nurse. I am stubborn. I didn’t want to go in. My OB told me to go to the hospital to get checked for peace of mind. I went, all the while thinking it was overkill. The nurses told me I was having contractions. They checked my cervix (ow) and did an AFP test. My cervix was closed, however the AFP test came back positive. A positive did not mean I was going to go into labor, but a negative test tells them that there is a 99% chance I would not go into labor for the next 2 weeks. The doctor checked my cervix then (double ow) and I was still closed. Ordered an ultrasound, my cervix was still long, however she wanted to keep me overnight. They gave me Terbutaline twice, and started me on Procardia to try to stop the contractions. In the morning, she checked me again (with the promise I could go home if it was closed) and I was still closed. Sent home on modified bedrest.

Fast forward to one week (exactly) later, I went to the restroom, on the toilet paper, bright red blood. Refusing to want to go to the hospital, I waited an hour. I wanted to stay home however I called my OB and she asked me to come in. I really, REALLY did not want to go in. The cervix checks were so painful. Thinking of Luke’s well-being, I went in. They checked my cervix (yippee) and I was 1-2 cm dilated. I was 28 weeks and 3 days. I couldn’t possibly be in labor. But I was. I was placed on strict bedrest. I put people on bedpans. I did not go on bedpans. I already told you I was going pee every 15 minutes. I’m not exaggerating. I was that annoying patient on the call light, even though I was trying to wait as long as I could. My OB told me I would be in the hospital for weeks. I cried. I couldn’t sleep in hospitals. I was placed on Magnesium. I was awake all night. At 6:45 am I had to pee so bad, but it was almost shift change so I decided to wait until my nurse came in. At 7:15 the OB and my nurse came in. He asked me if I was ok, I told him I had a lot of pressure and I really needed the bedpan. He explained that my baby was breech in the ultrasound from last night and he needed to check to make sure a foot was not coming out. Then, of course, the dreadful cervix check. I was 6 cm. He told me (while I was in shock) that they needed to do a c-section right away. I had sent my family home, I was alone. I couldn’t have Luke by myself. I was able to get ahold of my boyfriend and my mom, they were already prepping me. It was surreal from that moment. I couldn’t have Luke. The nursery wasn’t ready.  He wasn’t done cooking.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/03/8427.html

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Thithui

Mom to Baby Mimo

February 17, 2016

Los Angeles, California

July 28th, 2016 was the day my son Mimo was supposed to be born, but instead, he died on February 17th, 2016, following a rear-end car accident. I was 4 months and 6 days pregnant of him.

In my heart, I will always have 2 boys. Both of them were “Made in France,” and “Born in The USA.”  Back in 2003, my husband and I were so blessed that our first IVF attempt with only 1 embryo was successful which resulted in our wonderful 12-year-old son.  In October 2012, I returned to Paris for our 2nd and last IVF attempt (in France, the age limit for IVF treatment is set at 42 for the woman): This time, we produced 3 embryos and 2 were transferred back at that time, but our twins did not implant.  Then finally, this past November 2015, I returned to Paris for my last frozen embryo transfer (I can write a whole chapter about this experience – but to make it short: It was quite wonderful and emotional).  Upon my return to Los Angeles, I did at least 10 pregnancy tests (sometimes twice a day), before being confirmed by three hCG blood tests (done 2 weeks after my embryo transfer), that I was officially pregnant at age 45!!! This was an unbelievable miracle!  Our family was in Heaven!!!  Then, to my amazement, I managed to pass another huge milestone: The 12-week “Danger Zone.”

On January 26th, 2016, my son came with me to my 14-week follow-up ultrasound.  After everything was normal, the ultrasound tech asked if I wanted my son, who was in the waiting room, to come in to see his baby brother or sister.  My son was so touched when he saw his Baby Brother or Sister moving and waiving “Hello!” at him, and he started to cry tears of joy! The technician then gave him a big hug that brought tears of joy to my eyes. At that time, Baby Mimo’s heartbeat was 169! How perfect!!!  During that visit, we were given a precious ultrasound picture of Baby Mimo’s face profile: He looked exactly like his Big Brother. Today, this picture is placed on our bookshelf in the hallway, to make us feel that Mimo is still here with us.

Due to my advanced maternal age, I subsequently had further genetic testing. The first Down Syndrome blood test came back positive which, according to the nurse, was something very common for my age. Then, good news! The ultimate nuchal ultrasound came back negative for Down Syndrome! What a deep relief! Additional testing including the NIPT which presumably has 99% accuracy also came back negative for any genetic problems. Our family was so relieved and happy and we really thought the world belonged to us!  The NIPT also predicted that Baby was a boy! My eldest son was so happy because he had wished a baby brother for the past 2 years.  That is a long time for a kid to wait.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/02/8417.html

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Eunah

Mom to Victoria 

December 6, 2016

Toronto, Ontario

I write to my dad, my friend, my sister to share my submission. I want their reaction, I want their input. I know it may impede me from going it my own way but that gives me reassurance that someone else I trust knows what I’m up to. Not even my husband knows what I am doing. That I’m writing a story about us and not a happy story but a sad and honest story. Well this one I decide will turn happy in the end. That’s how we all must think right? The good attitude that we tell all children to have in order to live happily.

http://facesofloss.com/2017/01/8407.html

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Charissa

Mom to Finn Liam

January 24, 2016

Gardner, Kansas

Two years after we initially started trying, we wondered if we would ever be able to have a second child. In June 2015, we went on vacation to the Smoky mountains and visited Dollywood. After riding a triple inversion roller coaster, I felt very off, which was unusual for me because I usually handle roller coasters very well. The next day I took a test and was thrilled to see two lines — I was finally pregnant with our second child! My pregnancy progressed smoothly and uneventfully, and our 18-week sonogram revealed a healthy baby who danced his little legs around and showed off for us. We learned our baby was a boy. Over the next few months, we painted his room and re-assembled the crib. As his due date of February 27th drew closer, I unpacked the baby gear and folded the newborn clothes neatly in his closet, including a couple of “Little Brother” sleepers I had picked out just for him. I packed a hospital bag with a newborn-sized coming home outfit. I unpacked and washed the infant car seat and ordered diapers online. We were so ready and excited to meet our baby!

On the morning of January 23rd, I didn’t wake up until it was almost time to leave for my hair appointment. I was exhausted as I had been fighting a cold and sinus infection all week. It didn’t seem like my baby had been very active that morning, but then again I hadn’t been awake very long and thought I might have just missed his activity. He was usually most active at night around bedtime. I had an anterior placenta, so it was often difficult to notice his movements unless I was paying attention. I didn’t feel him as distinctly as I had with my first child, Jaxton.

After my hair appointment, I still wasn’t feeling much, so I went home determined to monitor his movements. At home I glided the home doppler over my belly. Immediately, the sound of his strong heartbeat met my ears and I relaxed a bit. Maybe he was just having a slow day or in a different position than usual. Lying on my side in bed, I attempted to count his movements. I tried shaking my belly to get a reaction. I was getting barely anything. I decided to go eat and drink some sugary juice to see if that would perk him up. As I ate, I noticed his feet were poking out in their usual spot at the top of my belly. We often played a game in which he would poke out his feet and I would push back in on them and he would react by pushing back or moving them. On that night, his feet seemed to be pressing out with more force and they remained that way despite me pushing on them.

At that point, I was getting really worried. I checked the doppler again and his heart still sounded strong. I sat in a chair with my 3 year old son Jaxton on my lap while he was watching YouTube videos. In retrospect he should have been in bed, but I was too worried about the situation at hand to go through our bedtime routine. Usually when Jaxton would sit on my lap and lean against my belly, the baby would squirm or kick in response. My husband Phillip and I always joked it was sibling rivalry starting early. That night, there were no kicks or squirms. I thought I felt a shifting inside of me. I grabbed my doppler, hurriedly rubbed coconut oil on my belly to help it glide, and listened again. Nothing but the sounds of my own body met my ears. At that moment, I truly understood the meaning of deafening silence. My heart raced as I searched and searched, hoping and praying that he was just hiding or that my doppler wasn’t working correctly. I frantically told Phillip we needed to go to the hospital right away. We grabbed our coats, bundled up our son, and rushed out the door. I didn’t say a word the whole way there; I just prayed to God to please let my baby be ok.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/01/8404.html

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Annaleace

Mom to Baby

December 19, 2016

Fountain, Colorado

This was my first pregnancy. My husband and I were so happy. We had been trying. I had started spotting two weeks before my first appointment. So like any woman would do, I went to the doctor. They checked the baby and did blood work with other kinds of labs. They said the baby was fine and I had a uti. So I went to my first appointment where they did check to make sure the baby was fine and I had to go for other labs and stuff like that.The hardest thing to hear is that your baby doesn’t have a heartbeat not just once, but multiple times. The doctor gave me no options and was really pushing for a D&C. I decided I was going to go the natural way. On January 6th at about 11:00 p.m. that night, I miscarried my precious little baby. I still have to go back to the doctor to make sure I passed everything. I have been in a lot of pain, physical and emotional. My husband has been a great support. I would never want anyone to go through this.

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Destinee

Mom to My Angel Baby

October 26, 2015

Denver, Colorado

October 26th.

The day that changed my life FOREVER.

Waking up I knew something was wrong. I felt weird. I felt off, and I was as sick as a dog hating that I had to get ready for a doctor’s appointment that day.

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