Mom to Baby Girl Smith

October 23, 2015

Alexandria, Virginia

October 15th is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Day.

Last October 15th, I was blissfully, naively pregnant — as one should be — taking belly photos with my husband and dreaming about finally being a family of three.  After struggling with infertility for over 2 years, we were pregnant!  We had seen the baby!  And the heartbeat!  We were over the moon.

Little did I know, by that time, our sweet baby had already slipped away.  She was gone and I was none the wiser.  Isn’t a mother supposed to know when her child is no longer alive? I did not.  It wasn’t until a routine ultrasound on October 23rd, that my doctor would say the words that changed everything:  I’m afraid I don’t have good news.  And for what seemed like an eternity — I stared at the motionless screen, along with my doctor and the ultrasound technician — desperately hoping for some sign of life.  

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Mom to Iris Jayne

East Yorkshire, England

June 1, 2016

On June the 1st my only daughter, my second child was stillborn. Before, this my life was easy; nothing bad happened to me. I’d heard about stillbirth, but it wouldn’t happen to me. I was naive and pregnancy was innocent. It happened to the girl down the street, a friend of a friend, someone you knew of but never spoke to. Then on the 31st of May 7, hours after my ‘perfect’ 40 week appointment, I was in a hospital room being told my baby girl had died. I was now that girl. I was a part of the club no one wants to be a part of, the mother of a child that didn’t make it, a child that died. I remember thinking over and over, “this doesn’t happen to me, it’s a nightmare. I’ll wake up.” It wasn’t, my life had changed in 7 hours. I’d gone from the top of the world to the bottom of the ocean. I was drowning.

Nothing feels real when you are told your baby is dead. There’s no heart beat, nothing. A still frame on the ultrasound. This doesn’t happen to me, they must be wrong, I kept holding that. I was given a pill and sent home, they told me to go back when labour had started. I didn’t cry, it didn’t sink in. I was home with my baby in my tummy. If she was gone, why would they leave me like this. It wasn’t until the contractions started that I knew it was happening, the tears started. I would have to give birth to a baby I’d never take home and never see again. This was all we were going to have, And it was the least I could do for her.

I didn’t know whether I wanted to see and hold her straight away, not because I didn’t want her, but because I was scared. I didn’t know what to expect. But it all changed when she was about to be born.

Before I made my last push, the last moment of carrying her inside me, I begged them to give her straight to me, the mother’s instinct took over and I needed her. She was mine, my baby, my daughter and I loved her no matter what. Iris Jayne was born sleeping at 18:01 pm weighing 8lb 14 1/2 oz on the 1/6/2016, her due date. She was beautiful and perfect. She looked just like her big brother and had his head full of hair except hers was a little lighter. Nothing was wrong with her. A true knot in the cord was the cause of death. We spent that night and the whole next day with her, just me, my partner and Iris. People came to see her and to say goodbye, then we had to do the same.

No midnight feeds, no baby smell, no crying or teething, no first day of school, no university, no wedding. No living daughter. My family has a hole that will never by filled. Life isn’t easy, it’s hard. I’m not the same, I’ll never be the same. Its not a nightmare, it’s real and it happened.

You can email Catherine at cat.rennerz@gmail.com.

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Mom to Mason

Liverpool, United Kingdom

March 16, 2015

[Story Begins]
September 2014

I can’t even begin to describe the feeling I had when seeing my “positive” pregnancy test.

I was living with my parents at the time so immediately called for my Mum who was completely over the moon. I then took a picture of the test and sent it to my boyfriend who was in work at the time. He came to me as soon as he could. We were both incredibly excited and decided to go to the doctor so the pregnancy could be officially confirmed.

We arranged an appointment for that day. After taking another test at the GP surgery we were told that the results were negative and it just wasn’t our time. We were gutted, the excitement taken away from us so quickly. It’s surreal how a faulty pregnancy test can make you feel, missing something that you never actually had. Fortunately for us my doctor had made a mistake and around twenty positive tests later and an ultrasound, there he was, a little blur on a scan picture, my little blur, my Mason.

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Mom to Adrienne Rose

November 10, 2013 – November 11, 2013

Glendale, Arizona

If I had to describe child loss using a word, my word would be painful.

And not like I broke my arm and it was painful or my pet passed away and it was painful; this pain is actually quite indescribable. You know when people describe their sadness and say they are “heartbroken,” well let me tell you, the moment I lost my sweet Adrienne, I literally felt my heart break. I felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest. I felt like I couldn’t breath and I remember asking myself, how am I supposed to live the rest of my life without my child? I questioned my faith, I remember crying to my husband and telling him how sorry I was, and how unfair it was because I wanted her so bad. I loved her.  She had been apart of me, of us for 26 weeks and the only time I ever got to hold her in my arms, was to say goodbye. [Read more…]


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Mom to James Bentley

December 24, 2014 – December 25, 2014

Petersburg, Virginia

My story starts when I was 32 weeks pregnant. It was December 24th 2014 and the morning started like any other. I woke up, got my husband up and sent him to work and [then I] laid down across the bed to watch a movie. Out of nowhere, a big gush of water came out. I thought it was just pee; it was my first pregnancy and I was only 18 and I had no idea what was going on. I just ignored it and kept going about my day.

Well at about 8 in the morning I started getting sharp pains in my lower back. I thought it was Braxton Hicks. I mean, I’m only 32 weeks. How can I be in Labour? So I tried to walk it out. I tried to sleep it off. Well, at about 5:30 p.m. the pain got HORRIBLE so my husband rushed me to the hospital where I was admitted, sat in a bed and left in a room for an hour and a half. The nurse came in, said I must have pulled a muscle and told me to go home. I was in so much pain by that point, I was shaking and crying.

I left the hospital at 7:32 p.m. I was on the way home when I delivered my son at 8 p.m. in the front seat of my husband’s truck. James Bentley entered this world at 3 pounds 6 ounces 17 inches long and so gorgeous. I called 911 and returned to the hospital with my son where they told me he was fine for 6 hours and wouldn’t let me see him.

At 3 a.m. they came in the room and said he most likely wouldn’t make it through the night and had to be ambulanced to another hospital. Upon arrival they told me he had a hole in his throat the size of a breathing tube and that unless he made it 72 hours, his chances of survival were low. I got to really meet him at this hospital. I spent some time with him once they got him stable and I tried to lay down after knowing he was okay. At 8 am on December 25, 2014, the doctors rushed into my room and told me he was gone. Once they quit manually pumping his oxygen, he was done. Twelve short hours wasn’t long enough. The emotions I feel are unreal. It feels like a dream honestly.


Mom to Lyla
December 4, 2015
Elgin, Illinois

My beautiful Lyla Danielle was born December 4, 2015 at 4:48pm weighing in at a whole whopping 4.12lbs. She was the prettiest baby I’d ever seen, she was the only one of my children with my curls and she was still so perfect even though she was stillborn. This is her story: 

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Mom to Gabriella Cadena

July 1, 2016

Las Cruces, New Mexico

You never truly know how precious life is until a horrible tragedy happen before your eyes. 

June 30, 2016. Thursday afternoon was a normal day. I ran errands with my son and did everything I normally do. Thursday morning while still in bed, I felt my baby girl move around and kick me. That afternoon was a normal routine prenatal checkup. I was 22 weeks along. I was so excited but also fearful to go in and hear the heartbeat because no parent wants anything to go wrong. I went in for my appointment with the intentions of leaving with a healthy baby girl, and a strong heartbeat. This moment changed my life completely. I was so heartbroken. I was in shock. I was numb.

My OB and I started off with the simple routine questions. The measurements of Gabriella and the part I dread but yet can’t wait for…hearing her heartbeat. My OB couldn’t find her heartbeat. At any other appointment it was so easy and quick to find her heart. But this time was different. It took longer than expected and I knew something was wrong. As I looked at her face I could tell something was wrong and she looked worried. She then rolled in the ultrasound monitor to see if she could get the heartbeat on the machine. She couldn’t. She told me she was going to get the head OB to help her. At that point I was so confused and freaked out. I was shaking and so scared. I didn’t know what to think. I began crying and praying. Praying it was just a glitch and she was just being stubborn. The doctor came in and began another ultrasound. It took him 10 minutes (which felt like a lifetime) because he wanted to make sure what they were saying and seeing was accurate. He started explaining to me what he found on the screen. He stated she had a lot of fluid and swelling around her head. He confirmed she had passed. By far the WORST feeling I have ever felt.

My husband had stayed home with our son while I went to my appointment because again, who would think anything like this would happen? I immediately called my husband hysterically crying telling him everything that happened. My doctor went over some options with me. He told me to go home and discuss with my husband what we wanted to do. We could either wait and let my body go into labor itself or be admitted that day and induced. I couldn’t hold off any longer, I had to be admitted and induced. I went straight home after my appointment and as soon as I walked through the door, my husband was there, I broke down. We were so devastated. We were told to go back to the hospital in 1 hour. We went in and as I was pushed in a wheelchair up to labor and delivery, I was so frustrated and angry that this was actually happening. All I could think about was why was this happening to us? What did we do to deserve this? Where did I go wrong with taking care of myself? Everything was running through my head. As they wheeled me upstairs, they pushed me to my room, passing all the beautiful newborn baby pictures on the walls, made me feel even worse thinking I’ll never be able to hold our baby girl that way.

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Mom to Kara Chase

March 26, 2016

Glen Burnie, Maryland

March 26, 2016 was supposed to be a normal day. My four year old daughter, Kayleigh, had her first t-ball practice and my husband and I were excited to watch her. The very next day was Easter and I would officially be 28 weeks pregnant. I was happy that I would finally be in my third trimester with our second daughter, Kara. We were looking forward to welcoming her into our family in June. Kayleigh was excited to have a little sister. We were so happy. Little did we know that our entire world would come crashing down on us and it would turn into the worst day of our lives.

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Mom to Aiden Nevin

July 24, 2015

Bellwood, Pennsylvania

I am the mother of an angel, an angel named Aiden.  Here is my story.

Aiden was my second pregnancy.  My husband and I were already parents to our precious 4-year-old boy.  While surprised by Aiden’s upcoming arrival, we weren’t any less excited.  Our family was growing just as we always thought it would.  I can still remember after all of those initial doctor appointments, I was still in such disbelief.  My pregnancy progressed in textbook fashion, just as it did during my first, so what did we have to worry about?  Our 4-year-old was beginning to blossom into a wonderful brother-to-be and my husband and I were watching days and weeks pass us by until Aiden would make his entrance into this world. 

At 38 weeks pregnant, I started back to work after a small summer break when one day I noticed that Aiden wasn’t being his fiery self.  His name literally means “little fire” or “fiery one.”  Thoughts crossed my mind, but faded quickly.  I went on throughout that evening with a small tinge of worry, but just tried my best to brush it off.  When I awoke the next morning to get ready for work, I went on with my normal routine, but had still noticed that Aiden wasn’t moving about.  I immediately called my doctor’s office and they told me to head up to Labor and Delivery just to get checked out.  I awoke my husband and after getting our son off to family, we headed to the hospital.  While that car ride was entirely silent, I still really had no sense of worry.  When I arrived to Labor and Delivery, a nurse immediately set me up in a room and hooked me up to a monitor.  She started searching for the “whoosh whoosh whoosh” sound that all moms know all too well and I would say “That’s him, right?”  She would say “I think I’m just getting you.”  Panic had settled in by now.  I silently started praying and kept repeating the word “No” to myself.  She then proceeded to say that she would have to go and get an ultrasound machine just to be sure.  Any loss mom knows this procedure all too well.  Another nurse came in and completed the ultrasound.  She did say that of course they wouldn’t be able to tell us anything until a doctor was able to read the ultrasound, but I knew just from that ultrasound that he was gone; our Aiden was gone.  No movement at all on that monitor; he was still.  A short time later, a young doctor that I had never met before came in wearing a long white lab coat and had confirmed what I already knew.  There was no heartbeat, Aiden was gone. 

At this point, they discussed all my options with me and my family.  Options that would have never crossed my mind before and they proceeded to induce me into labor.  We started alerting family and close friends with phone calls and messages.  You could hear the tears in their voices and in their words.  Family started pouring in throughout the rest of that afternoon and evening.  I was just so numb; no feelings and hardly any words.  My body was shivering; shivering in July.  I now know that my body was in shock.  I had chosen to stop the induction process for the night and we would proceed with everything the next morning at a time of my choosing.  While tossing and turning all night, I awoke semi-refreshed and then doom and dread immediately lingered over me.  I didn’t want this process to last all day or even days.  I prayed to God and Aiden too that they would see me through this process and start me on a path of grieving and healing.  After only a few hours of active labor and a few pushes, my little angel had arrived.  He was so angelic, so perfect.  What could have happened? My wonderful primary care doctor took the time to come and talk with my family the day before and had explained that things can and do happen at this stage of pregnancy.  Soon after he was born, one of the doctors had explained that he did have a significant blood clot in his umbilical cord.  We did elect to have an autopsy completed prior to his funeral arrangements.  After he was born, I got to hold him and so did my husband.  I took my time kissing him as much as I could.  Family came pouring in soon after and said their “Hello’s” and “Goodbyes” all at once.  We were told that he could stay in our room for as long as we would like, but soon afterwards, after being placed in the warmer for pictures, his looks were changing so much already that I didn’t want to remember him like that.  So, I kissed him one last time and said my final goodbye.

In the coming days and weeks, we were beyond blessed with the support of family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, strangers, etc. as we laid Aiden to rest.  After a few months awaiting his autopsy results and being referred to a high-risk obstetrician, it has been discovered that I have a blood clotting condition known as Antiphospholipid Coagulation Syndrome, APS for short which lead to Aiden’s demise. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Aiden and the little person he would be becoming.  I feel as though I am a shattered piece of pottery; carefully glued back together, but still missing a few shards.  Time and a great support system have healed some wounds, but the entire universe could never heal them all.  He was, is, and always will be my angel.

Mommy forever misses you Aiden Nevin.  Until we meet again and spend all eternity in heaven together; sending you many X’s and O’s, X’s and O’s.   

You can email Alyssa at Akey426@gmail.com.

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Mom to Angel Baby & Connelly Harding

2013 and February 15, 2016

Louisville, Kentucky

Dear Connelly Harding,

My sweet, sweet boy. This is your story. Some of the details are left out; some are tucked away in my private journal, some we do not know yet. Even though you never took a breathe in this world, your impact continues to live on. I receive messages a few times a week of people your name has reached. Your life may have ended, but your story will continue on. [Read more…]


Mom to Jonah
February 14, 2016 – February 15, 2016
Houston, Texas
I lost my beautiful son Jonah on Valentine’s day of this year. I found out he had an omphalocele at 12 weeks. An omphalocele is a fairly rare birth defect in which some or all of the abdominal organs are in the baby’s umbilical cord and do not go into the abdomen. Sometimes the birth defect is related to chromosome issues such as Trisomy 13.

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Mom to Richard Allen

May 16, 2016 – May 17, 2016

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

My husband and I found out we were pregnant on the eve of my 28th birthday. It seemed like the perfect birthday present and with each passing week, we felt that we were getting closer and closer to our dream of having a child. Every single appointment was perfect and I enjoyed a very healthy, trouble-free pregnancy. 

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Mom to Ollie

July 25, 2015

Grantham, New Hampshire

We are a baby loss family. Our son was born, he was beautiful, and we left the hospital alone and with the most empty feeling imaginable. Our world was turned upside down, and we were left to continue moving forward, and define our new normal. Our family will forever be incomplete. Ollie’s physical presence will always be missing, but he will always remain our very much loved, oldest child. We’ll miss him on holidays, during family events, in family pictures, on Mother’s Day, on Father’s Day, and especially on July 25. We’ll always miss him as our baby, and we’ll also miss him as the age that he would have been. We’ll wonder what his personality would have been like, what his interests would have been, and what he would have looked like as he grew up. [Read more…]




Mom to Amari

February 14, 2016

Hartford, Connecticut

2015 was an amazing year. I was just into my 2nd month of a new IT consulting career, something I had been thinking about for years and my husband (fiancé at the time), was deep into his new job that ended our long distance relationship AND it was a coaching job at our alma mater (we both met there and we also did track and field so it was an extra special job). And the best part of it all, we were to be married that summer! July 10th, 2015 was a beautiful sunny summer day and we exchanged vows in front of our nearest and dearest. Then it was off to party party party on our Cancun honeymoon before the best was to begin! [Read more…]




Mom to Odin Jimi

Born March 15, 2016 and Died March 18, 2016

Brisbane, Australia

Hi there men and women of the world. Thank you for reading, on the subject of the loss of a baby. I’m not going to lie, losing a loved one in any way, shape or form is horrible. It’s actually pretty shit… that is the best way to sum up the loss of a loved one in a few simple words. It’s completely shit. But to lose a tiny human that you’ve prayed, cried and taken many, many, many pregnancy tests for is beyond a feeling or emotion that I can describe. [Read more…]





Mom to Mason Scott

Born Sleeping May 5, 2016

Chicago, Illinois


I want to talk about him! Honestly! I want to tell the world how he was so active that I was sure he was practicing dribbling a soccer ball. I want to talk about the times when my husband put his face close to my stomach and talked to our son and got punched in the face. I can imagine him, being a volleyball player, thinking “good spike, son!”. Those are the stories I enjoy sharing but I know that isn’t the story everyone is wondering about.
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Mom to Meredith

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

April 29, 2016

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. -Psalm 39:7

We buried our baby on her due date. We found out our sweet baby Meredith’s heart stopped beating on April 28th. One week before – she had a strong heartbeat, my belly was growing. Two weeks before, I had a non-stress test and she was healthy and reactive. Three weeks before, she was perfect on our last ultrasound – 47th percentile in growth – what a perfect baby. Six pounds already. In the next three weeks she gained almost two more pounds and was moving like crazy. Yes, she had quiet moments during the day, but I never felt her stop. I never felt her die. I was 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant. There is no fetal heartbeat. Sometimes this just happens. Your baby is beautiful – perfect. Except she is dead. 7 lbs, 12 ounces, 21 inches. Much bigger than her big brother Cameron when he was born. I prayed throughout my pregnancy that my girl would have a head of dark hair, like me. And she did. Maybe I should’ve prayed more for her health…how dare I take that for granted. There was not a time during my pregnancy that I doubted she would be born healthy and alive. How dare I be so bold. I already had one healthy pregnancy and one perfect child – why would this be any different? [Read more…]


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Mom to Jensen Grey 
April 5, 2016
Gnadenhutten, Ohio


One word can change two people’s lives forever. What better way for a mother-to-be to spend her birthday than knowing in nine short months she would have her bundle of joy. As soon as this baby’s parents found out, they were overjoyed of course and quickly agreed to a baby boy’s name: Jensen Grey. The baby’s mom knew the baby was a boy before the doctor even told them. They dreamed of holding him, kissing him, and watching him grow. Their dreams for their perfect family had already began to unfold.  [Read more…]




Mom to Alivia Jean

August 14, 2013 – April 5, 2014

Eagan, Minnesota

It was a Thursday morning. I could tell Alivia was still not feeling well from the night before. She would eat and throw up immediately afterwards which was unusual for her as she didn’t even burp up much. I decided I would stay home that day and take care of her while my husband Ryan dropped off our five year old son Landon at daycare and went to work.Throughout the day, Alivia continued to eat but was unable to keep anything down. She wasn’t running a fever. There were no signs of discomfort. It only seemed as if she had a touch of a stomach bug. The next morning she was still unable to keep anything down. My husband took a turn staying home with her and decided it was best to bring her in to the pediatrician. They checked her out and determined she had a stomach virus and recommended giving her Pedialyte so she would not become dehydrated. [Read more…]




Mom to Nicholas

January 6, 2016 – March 17, 2016

Fullerton, California

I am 25 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 years. We have had our usual ups and downs like every other couple, but we have finally straightened everything out and we’re talking about marriage and kids soon enough. I found out I was pregnant and we had both decided that we weren’t ready yet as we share an apartment with roommates and we’re both in school and working part time jobs.

When it finally came time for our son to be born, I had to have an emergency C-section as he was not keeping time with my contractions and his heartbeat would stop for a few seconds. They rushed me in and I remember I heard him cry even through my drug-induced haze. I started crying. I was so happy he was ok. When I was out of recovery, I was allowed to see him. I was in awe over this small creature we had created. I wanted to spend every minute I could with him until we had to let him go. But in the end, we couldn’t give him up. I was so happy! I was a mom! We named him Nicholas Michael. [Read more…]


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